Podcast Episode #128: Do I Really Need A Backup Plan?
Dreaming is easy right? If we close our eyes we can image living in that beautiful house, a happy family sitting around your table, creating a business that you’re on a TED talk to speak about….easy, peasy right? …it’s the believing that the dream can come true, it what is hard.
We draw out our dreams, create elaborate plans, imagine what it COULD be…but….and this is a huge but….
How many of us truly believe our dreams are possible? Will come true?
How many of us spend a whole lot of time planning out and thinking about our plan B, which is essential our plan for Dream Failure?
Today we are going to talk about how we often sabotage our dreams by focusing on our plan B…and that having a plan B, may not give you the security and safety you desire, but instead is the primary cause of a crushing your dreams.
Let’s get started….
Welcome to the Extraordinary Women Magazine Podcast, where we have conversations about YOU creating your own fabulous next chapter. Sometimes it’s with guests and sometimes you get just me!
I’m Sharri Harmel, your host for the EW podcast and editor of the EW Magazine group which includes a quarterly magazine, weekly blogs and loads other support for you to create and live your fabulous next chapter.
So, let’s start with the value of having a plan B. Yes, plan B’s are important….but they are not all THAT important and I say that as a massive plan B thinking gal.
Plan B’s can make us feel safe. We have it all planned out. If this doesn’t work out or that doesn’t work out, I’ll do plan B.
BUT, just recently, in talking with other women, I realized that we often spend a whole lot more time working out our plan b’s- and for me it was around my Paris and Boston apartments, the EW magazine and podcast, the team I have in place, living the rest of my life as a solo, etc., etc.
I bet some of you can relate.
Here’s an example. As you all know, I started the EW magazine during covid. It’d be lying if I said it was easy. From the business structure, to the contributors & the interviews, to the team I had in place, it has all been a steep uphill learning curve. I love it and yet, right now, it is about a ¾ time job.
Well, recently, I looked through my journal and saw that I had started to create a list of things I would enjoy doing with my time, if for some reason I decide to discontinue the EW magazine.
I was shocked! By spending time making that list, I realized I was creating a HUGE plan B….and basically planning for failure!! I was trying to sooth myself that if I didn’t have the magazine, life would still be okay.
How many of you can relate?
Think of your dream…have you ever told yourself it’ll all be okay if it doesn’t work out? Have you tried to soothe yourself that the big dream just wasn’t meant to be?
If so, that means you are already living in the land of Plan B.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be laying on my deathbed, telling myself- it’s okay you never went for the dream Sharri- a life living your plan B was enough.
Bonnie Ware wrote this fantastic book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying- all true stories. I digress, but if you haven’t read the book, do because it truly relates to this conversation.
Okay- I saw this planning time spent on my plan B.
What was shocking to me was that nowhere in my journal, did I see that I was making lists for what my life would look like if or rather when the EW mag was a HUGE success- maybe on the scale of Oprah or Victoria Magazines.
Where was the feelings of joy at making a difference in the lives of women, where was I being asked to speak or be interviewed, where was the imagining of how my life would be when the EW magazine group was super successful?
No where….
Like me, we didn’t grow up during the depression. We didn’t experience the market crash of 1929. We had opportunities and unprecedented economic growth…and yet, for some reason, we often get focused on our plan B even though we present to the world as super confident.
I have to admit, I talked a good game…but I hadn’t been walking my talk. My journal was proof that I was spending time planning out my plan B!
Louise Hay was a leader in sharing that what we think about, we attract into our lives. She was an incredible woman who overcame many personal obstacles and ended up creating Hay House. Check out some of her books or youtube videos – she makes the point over and over that what you think about, what you focus on, you will attract into your life.
So, why do we focus on Plan B’s?
Somewhere along the way, and it probably comes from childhood, we learn that we are not safe unless we have a plan B.
Our logical brain will give us many examples of the perils of not having a plan B.
A horrific historical example. In January, I was in NYC and saw the play Leopoldstadt, about a Jewish family in Austria before, during and after WW2. Those that had a plan B survived and those that chose to focus on the positives of Austrian culture, perished.
But, we are not in the middle of a war thank heavens, and yet the oldest part of our brain, the amygdula- still has the job to keep us safe, and your amygdula will find threats to your safety even if you have a relatively calm and safe life.
And ladies- your dream might be scaring your amygdula. Hence….your logical brain says prepare for failure- have a plan B.
Why does this matter? Well, if Louise Hay is right, and we do attract what we spend our time thinking about, then failure of the dream is more likely to happen, because that is what we are thinking about and planning for.
In contrast, imagining being wildly successful in your dream- will conversely start to attract all sorts of good things in your life!!
Another example of how our thoughts become our reality is that weird thing called Reticular Activating System (RAS). An easy example is that you have decided you want to buy a new car- maybe a Lexus 350. Even though you haven’t purchased that car- you’ll see it everywhere. The cars just keep showing up all around you. Why? Because you told your brain this is something important so pay attention.
Platforms that sell you things play on this same principal.
If you googled a perfume say something as obscure as Princess Diana’s favorite perfume which was called First- ads for that perfume, which is not very popular today, were showing up in all my feeds…google, youtube, facebook, IG, etc.
So, what we think about…what we google about….all shows up in our lives.
I want you to dissect your own dream thoughts. Do you spend more time thinking about what you’ll have to do if it doesn’t work out? Do you spend more time coming up with reasons why it won’t work, why it’s stupid to start or do instead of why it’s a great idea, why people will love your idea?
Let’s shift those thoughts….
and start to catch yourself. Catch your negative thoughts and flip them around. Literally stop your thoughts and make a conscious effort to shift it!
For me….Instead of this magazine idea was a crazy idea to start when no one reads magazines.
I say out loud…What a great time to create a magazine…magazines are the perfect read for our new short attention spans!
When flipping your negatives…to a positive…you are calming your amygdula…telling your brain-there is nothing to fear…this is going to be fantastic.
Also, be aware of how you talk about your dream.
How are you communicating that dream to others?
It’s a little side hustle I want to start…it’s really nothing much….
It’s just something I’m trying out…it’s an experiment…. Not sure it’ll work….
Especially as women, we tend to discount what it is we are working on. I don’t know why.
Do we think we are being more protective of ourselves if we verbalize smallness?
Are we afraid of being considered boastful if we sing out our dreams?
After coaching many men…I saw that regardless of their age, they rarely discount their dreams. I never had to dig deep to figure out what my male coaching clients really wanted or get them to verbalize it. The women? Totally different. They’d dance around their dream or what they really wanted and usually offer up reasons why their dream would never come true.
Let’s shift that!
Now, if you’re still on the fence about the importance of tossing out your plan B, I ask you…Can you think of one successful person in the world, who shared how they planned for failure but fell into success?
It’s almost laughable right?
You know that if you don’t really think you can lose weight, will you miraculously lose weight?
You know that if you don’t think you’ll ever find a lovely partner, never leave your house, you’ll be unlikely to find that partner, right?
Well the same for your business….
If you don’t believe your business idea, that next chapter dream has merit, how can it possibly be successful?
The logic is almost laughable right?
So, I want you to refute your negative thoughts… toss out all those plan B’s and instead…
focus on how successful this new idea, new dream you have for your next chapter.
Journal about it, imagine it, create a vision board that helps you visually see yourself stepping into and living that life….
Remember, what you consciously think about, will show up in your life over and over….
And spending time imagining the success of your dream, will change how you show up every day.
Ladies, the Extraordinary Women Magazine group, is all about supporting women like you, who are choosing to design and live a next chapter that energizes you, gives you purpose and fulfillment plus a whole lotta joy.
When you subscribe to the Extraordinary Women Magazine, which is free!- you’ll get the quarterly magazine, weekly blogs, opportunities to contribute to the magazine, be promoted on this podcast….the list goes on and on, so don’t hesitate, don’t procrastinate…subscribe now.
Thank you for joining us today….and look forward to our next Extraordinary Women Podcast.
A bientot.
