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Blog #19: Our Stuff & Feeling at Home
I purchased my Paris apartment just 6 months before the start of Covid. I purchased my Boston condo the first spring after covid receded. One was a new neighborhood, the other a new culture.
Walking through my little Paris neighborhood, purchasing items for my dînatoire with a good friend, I realized I was feeling at home.
Dînatoire for those of you who haven’t heard the phrase, is a heavy hors d’oeuvres replacement for dinner in Paris. No one sits at the table but instead in sofas or chairs around the living room, eating whatever appeals to them. Wine or champagne can be the drink of choice.
My Parisian friend tells me that unfortunately the dînatoire is replacing the long-standing formal French dinners but as a solo host, I find them perfect, whether in the Unites States or Europe. They are easy, relaxing, yummy, and it’s almost impossible to eat too many hors d’oeuvres. Plus, I no longer enjoy large meals late at night and I’m not alone.
Since Covid, the top dinner reservation time in NYC is now 6:30 pm! Walking through the shops in my Paris neighborhood, looking for nibbles that went well with my fabulous Alsatian wine choice, I realized I was at home. I had invited a good friend to my apartment after she finished with work, and I couldn’t wait. Only a week before, I had hosted another friend in my apartment for afternoon tea. There is something about inviting someone into your home, it feels like they and you have crossed the doorway into friendship.
I recently returned to Boston after almost three months in Paris. It’s my first full day, so I’m trying hard to adjust to a new time zone, as well as the American culture. As always, when I’m in France for several months, the differences between our cultures are acutely felt upon my return to my home country. I visit the shops, chat with the building staff who I haven’t seen for almost 3 months, walk my neighborhood and observe the differences in clothing styles and formality. At first it all feels very foreign. And the water…. oh, the water. Sounds crazy but the water in Paris isn’t kind to our hair let alone water pipes and appliances. Lots of differences as well as similarities and I love that I have the opportunity to experience both.
But I am wondering, when we move, how long does it take before we really and truly feel at home? I find it’s a process like muscle memory but for your intuitive body. When can you walk to your favorite places while thinking about sometime totally unrelated? When can you pull off a meal, knowing where everything is in your kitchen and what serving pieces work with what nibbles? When do you feel grounded in your body and spirit?
My answer is two years. Two years before you no longer feel the anxiety of how to get from one place to another. Two years before you start to meet people and feel relaxed enough to ask new acquaintances to meet for a glass of wine or a coffee. Two years before you feel comfortable entertaining in your home. Two years before you feel completely comfortable being yourself and even sticking out a bit with your differentness.
Have you ever moved to a new city? A different state or country? A neighborhood where you knew no one? Please share what you’ve experienced!
Then there is our stuff. The stuff we lug with us whether we are going on a trip or moving.
Waiting to depart from the airplane, a fellow traveler and I chatted about the suitcases we were going to pick up, the weight of all our stuff and how at the conclusion of every single trip, we tell ourselves we are going to travel super light on the next one. Yet, we rarely do, or I rarely do.
I’m always lugging gifts from one place to another. Why do I have to buy things for people and myself wherever I go?? Is this because I travel solo? My suitcases on this trip from Paris back to Boston were filled with boxes of chocolates, a supposedly fantastic French whiskey for my son (super heavy), and Christmas gifts. Everything was heavy AND took up a lot of space in my suitcase.
Plus, don’t laugh, but I freeze at least six packages of French butter that I pack in the middle of my suitcase. (French butter is worth its weight!) And what about those work files?
As the Editor of Extraordinary Women Magazine, which is both digital and print, I’m still addicted to using paper for my ideas! I just can’t be all that creative on my computer, which probably dates me, though I’ve met several young people who agree.
So, half of one suitcase contains files and my French textbooks and the other is filled with gifts, papers, and a few clothes. My carryon is weighted down with my technology, chargers, and a few files with private information in case those tagged bags are lost. My stuff. Too much stuff.
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I keep thinking it is my bag choice…like that is going to change anything. I’ve got an Away bag, several Tumi bags, a samsonite that is large enough for a body to be transported. Same for my carry-on…. I’m sure that if I get the right bag, my stuff problems will be solved.
Standing at the baggage carrousel at Logan airport in Boston, waiting for my two extremely heavy bags, I thought about the fact that I’m only third generation American.
It wasn’t that terribly long ago, that my Swedish and Dutch ancestors traveled in steerage on ships across the Atlantic Ocean, and then got into covered wagons for the long trip to Minnesota. They traveled thousands of miles for months on end with probably little more than one change of clothing, a bonnet, a shawl, and some cooking tools. No files, no books, no seasonal clothing, no extra shoes, and no gifts. In three generations, look what has happened. I’ve convinced myself that I must travel with my books, multiple clothing outfits, scarves, jewelry, business files, and collect gifts along the way.
I don’t know what this means about me. Certainly privileged, even entitled, to expect my two heavy suitcases to show up whenever I get off a plane. But I’m still trying to step into a different me.
What about you? Have you learned to travel light? What stuff is your must-haves when you travel? Does it change based on the length of your trip?? Do you have favorite bags? Let’s share…Inspire me to do better…
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