Welcome to Episode 75 of the Extraordinary Women Podcast, which I have titled “Are You Downsizing Your Dreams?”
I’m a hungry woman. I can’t seem to be satiated and we’re not talking about sugar or carbs or even other “naughty, but nice” wants. I’m hungry for that next version of myself. What I can do and be. When I read a fabulous book, I say to myself, Sharri, you need to turn all of your journal writing into a book, or I see some sort of a fantastic lifestyle program or even a book or a magazine.
And I think, gosh, I should have gone that direction with my Extraordinary Women Magazine. Maybe I should have written a book again. There are some patterns that keep showing up here. But what is it about always, always wanting more? Can you relate? Some of us, no matter what our ages, can’t seem to stay put, can’t seem to be satisfied.
I’m Sharri Harmel, chief creative of the Extraordinary Women’s circle and community as well as Editor-in-Chief of the Extraordinary Women Magazine. I’ve been a coach for over 20 years. And my dream is to create an even bigger platform so that all women can envision and then step into their big dreams.
Our sole focus in the Extraordinary Women’s Circle and Community is to support women, just like you, to ignite their dreams. And we do that inside the circle, which includes Extraordinary Woman Magazine, regular live conversations, and workshops, so that you can get the clarity. You need to create your big dream and to help you to stay on track, to make it come true.
So, thank you for joining me and let’s get started.
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Episode 75: Are You Downsizing Your Dreams?
When I was married, all I could change really was my cooking style. What I made as well, as my home, everything else in my life was set in stone. The cooking was easy. I loved it. I was good at it, and I would enjoy falling in love with different chefs and different themes of cooking or baking.
The moving from one house to another. That’s a little more complicated, but gosh, that never stopped me. My former husband used to make the joke that he needed to check in with me to make sure he was driving home to the right house, just to make sure I hadn’t moved while he was at the office. I recently watched an Escape to the Country episode where the husband had been a diplomat of some kind and the couple shared that they had moved seventeen times and it was like this big, WOW.
I started to count my own moves and I was shocked. And ladies, I am no diplomat yet. I’ve worked in, lived in five different straight states, at least fifteen different homes, condos, or apartments. Some of these were semi-rural like our horse farm others. Right in the middle of the city. And I started to wonder why all this moving, what had been going on?
I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I always just want more.
I used to think it was my attempts to find happiness during my long marriage, but my moving desire (and dare I say, addiction) has continued since my divorce was final. I’ve finally come to the conclusions that I always just want more. That I’m addicted to finding the next version of myself and moving is the most simple way for me to transform and create my loop, my new life.
Wow. You’re probably wondering, well, what’s wrong with all that? Well, first it’s crazy expensive, but most important, it doesn’t really address what’s underneath this constant desire of wanting more. We can change our homes. We can move to the country. We can paint our current house with new colors. We can buy new furniture, but if there is something inside of us, that is constantly craving chain.
Is there an underlying issue?
Constantly wanting something different. My guess that you just like me have an underlying issue that you’re trying to address with a new house, a decorating project, a new this, or a new that. And I say this because I never stopped and asked what was it that I really wanted? What was it that I was trying to fix?
What was it that I was seeking with each move? This brings me to the importance, I should say, of slowing down and figuring out what it is you really, really want? Obviously, I didn’t know. Back then, or more likely I was too afraid of the answer. Looking back on my crazy dysfunctional family from both my birth family, as well as the one I had with my husband.
These were families I was trying to fix. I had convinced myself that if we lived in that house or if I moved to the country where my husband would be having, then we’d be a happy family, but all those moves were just band-aids, which we all know are completely worthless. If the wound underneath the band aid is infected, but all that moving kept me busy, kept me from looking at what was really missing in my life because I had dreams.
I had lots of them. I’d work on them when I could squeeze in the time. But honestly, my dreams were primarily only thought about my own head when I was maybe waiting for my daughter to come out of a tutoring appointment, or I was making a long drive back to the horse farm or when I was suddenly having to get together with friends and maybe revisit something I had said in our prior gathering.
There’s never going to be a “right time”
I must have thought I’d live forever because year after year, I put what I wanted to create and do on the shelf for that someday when I finally have the time and energy for that. And I thought (and I think some of you can relate to this) that I had to fix the life I had, my long and sad marriage, my daughter’s learning, and emotional issues, all before I could spend time on my dreams. What I didn’t realize was that it’s never going to be the right time and that you can never, ever fix relationships when you’re the only one working on it. Now you must know exactly why my work today is all about helping you step into your dreams.
I am passionate, ladies, that no other woman puts her own dreams aside for that someday, or even worse has given up on our dreams because she thinks her time has passed. I have a nasty father, truly nasty. But when I was at the very beginning stages of my divorce, he said to me, “Sharri, you’re never going to finish anything. You’re a loser.” Well, I did finish that divorce, but then has to comment. He slung at me, stuck with me for a while because there was some truth in it. Not that I was a loser, but that I didn’t finish anything because I really hadn’t ever accomplished any of my dreams. Yet. I realized that it wasn’t some defect within me, but there was this belief inside me that made none of this happened.
You ARE worthy of pursuing that dream, even if it’s inconvenient for someone else
Well, I did finish that divorce, but the nasty comment he slung at me, stuck with me for a while because there was some truth in it. Not that I was a loser, but that I didn’t finish anything because I really hadn’t ever accomplished any of my dreams. Yet I realized that it wasn’t some defect within me, but there was this belief inside me that made none of this happen. And that belief was that maybe I wasn’t worthy of pursuing my dreams, especially if that dream was going to bother or inconvenience anyone around me.
I remember one corporate dinner party, when the host asked each of us to share something with the group that was a dream of ours and idea of ours and something that we hadn’t even shared with our partners. It’s actually a super fun dinner party conversation, door opener. If you want to call it that.
My husband and I had just moved to our horse farm and it wasn’t garden growing kind of land, too hilly and rocky. And I have a black thumb, the opposite of a green thumb, but what came out of my mouth was that I wanted to get some goats and figure out how to make goat soap, or goat cheese as a business.
Well, the table was wowed, and my then-husband almost fell off his chair, but I never did it. I never created the business plan because my husband said I was nuts and it was going to be too hard. It was going to be too disruptive. So, I put that idea on the shelf, and I never returned to it. Now, every once in a while, as I drove past the field where my goats would have lived, I thought about that little dream I had,
Like you, I knew what I was good at. I knew what I liked, but I didn’t do it because I was always trying to find something that would fit into the box. My husband had put me in the box that I had let myself be put in. I was convinced that we’d have a better marriage if I did not ask for more. And I’m responsible for convincing myself of that.
Don’t be afraid to have those “dream conversations”
I was afraid of the consequences of asking for anything that could have disrupted our life at home. Now, maybe some of the enlightened women in our group are thinking, wow, what was wrong with her? Yet, I think we all do this to some extent. We have dreams, really big dreams. And my question for you is how many of you downsize your dreams so that your life fits with the people around you instead of having those frank conversations with your families, your partners, your children, and even your friends. Have you ever had dream conversations with the people that you need to support you on that dream quest?
Now, some of you now might still be pushing back on me and say, Sharri, I don’t have that issue either. Well, I’m going to reciprocate that push and say, you can also choose to downsize your dreams just by having conversations with yourself. So, you can downsize your dreams in your own head, through your own self-talk and it sounds something like this… “You can’t write, who would be interested in your book idea?” Or it might be, “Oh yeah, sure. That’s a business idea? Well, it’s crazy. Or it might be, “you’re just a doodler, you’re just a sewer, you’re just a cook… and none of those can turn into a business.”
No one has or ever will do anything like you do
And another very big, negative self-judgment that I often hear women say around their dream is that others have already done it all. They’ve done exactly what you’re thinking of doing. So, what’s the point?
Now I’m going to push back because no one has or ever will do anything like you do. We are each individuals and we each have our own secret sauce. Sometimes we’re figuring out what that is. As an example, to give to chess, let’s say, let’s just imagine who teach cooking classes online. You know, maybe it’s a show, maybe it’s a video on YouTube. They could be making the exact same dish and yet the way they interact with their audience, the way they describe what they’re doing is totally different because each of them are doing it their way. They’re bringing their own uniqueness, their own specialness into making the exact same dish and teaching others how to do it. Take two life coaches. It’s a whole lot of people who want to be life coaches. They will never coach the same way. Two journalists will never interview the exact same person, the same way we bring ourselves into whatever it is that we do.
We’re not machines. We’re unique, we’re special. We’re different. So, think about that. What is your special sauce? And I also want you to let go of the thought as you’re working through this idea of what makes me special. I want you to let go of the thought that you can’t do something because someone else has done something similar.
Now recently I got completely excited about a young woman by the name of Lindsey Mason. She was laid off of her job in the retail fashion world but turned around and started a company called French. Not out of her parents’ garage. Lindsey stopped that whole. So, she hadn’t had that much experience in retail.
And yet what she did in this company called French, not is she merged her understanding of retail, her love of the handcrafts of knitting and embroidery, and also connected into her passion to help women earn a livable wage woman, who are in very dire circumstances. Check out her company. It’s called frenchknot.com.
Promise yourself you won’t “downsize your dreams”
When you look at Lindsey, you’d say, is knitting a new art form? No, absolutely not. Are there loads of companies out there that offer knitwear like hats and scarves and sweaters? Yes, of course. But Lindsey’s company is completely unique because as I said, she integrated her love of the hand arts, the knitting, retail, her passion for travel, and she’s making a difference in the lives of women who are struggling to feed their families in Nepal. So, ladies, as I said, no one is going to do anything like you do it, no matter what it is, you write stories that no one has ever thought of with a writing style that is uniquely yours. You’ll create a clothing line that’s patterned after your unique interest in.
You’ll open an online shop that has totally unique items that no one has ever seen before. Why? Because you are unique and there is no one in this world, exactly like you. Now I’m a dream focus coach and there are lots of coaches who talk about dreams and helping you to make your dreams come true. But I do it my way.
And there isn’t any other coach who helps women step into their dreams the way I do. So right here, right now, let’s promise ourselves that we will never, ever again, downsize our dreams in order to make everybody around us comfortable and also let’s embrace that it is good to be hungry for more dream bake ladies, dream extraordinary and join me in making our dreams come true.
Thank you everyone for joining me today. And if you liked our conversation, please give me a review because reviews matter in the podcast algorithm world.
Well, we just finished up our very first “Three Weeks to Dream” Readiness Workshop that I will now be offering two times a year for our Facebook group and the Extraordinary Women’s Circle.
It was great fun, and the feedback from the ladies who attended was beyond by my expectations. So now let me ask you a question. How is your year going? Are you ready to do it differently this year? Well, I’m announcing the very first Your Extraordinary Women Dream Academy that starts mid-April. It’s seven weeks of teaching, coaching, inspiration, and ideas that will get you moving on that dream that you have for 2022.
Now the Extraordinary Women Dream Academy is just what you need if you are committed to making this the year you’re going to get started on your dream. You’re finished talking about it, dreaming about it. This is the year you’re going to figure it out and focus on one dream and get moving forward. The Extraordinary Women Dream Academy will help you to clarify the dream then break down the steps that you need to take to get there. You’ll get the needed support and structure as well as the confidence to step into your dreams.
You might be saying, “but Sharri, I’ve signed up for a lot of courses and workshops and schools, you name it and I’ve never finished anything.” So how is the Extraordinary Dream Academy different? Well, the biggest difference is this is going to be a very small group. You’ll get the support and attention and coaching that you need to really step up and get started. So don’t hit that sign up button if you want a workshop or a program, or a course where no one notices whether you show up or not. This is for an engaged group of women.
We’ll gather live two times a week, but you’ll of course get all the recordings. On Tuesdays, will be “teaching days,” teaching, learning, sharing, and on Fridays will be our Q & A, which basically is our coaching day. And because the group will be small, there will be time for us to talk about your dream and your process.
Like I said, you need to be serious. This particular dream academy isn’t fluff. I’ve been a coach for over 20 years, and I’ll use every skill and strength I have to support you to get moving forward on your dream. I want every woman to move forward on her dreams, make them happen because I know how easy it is to say (because I’ve been there) “Someday. I’ll get to that.” Like I said, I said those exact words, and that’s why it matters to me that you don’t let one more day, month, or year to go by and have you said, “Hmmm, someday, someday, I’ll get to that.”
Now, if you’re an Extraordinary Women Magazine Circle subscriber, you’ll get $50 off the Extraordinary Women Dream Academy. So go to the ExtraordinaryWomenMagazine.com.
Now the Extraordinary Women magazine is a fabulous magazine where we’re always highlighting two inspiring women that have stepped into their dreams in a really big way.
There are also several additional sections, but we’ve just started this new section called Subscriber Spotlight, where one magazine subscriber gets to promote her business and share a bit about herself and a big dream. How cool is that? Like I said, we are DREAM SERIOUS. So go to ExtraordinaryWomenMagazine.com and subscribe.
And if the Extraordinary Women Dream Academy sounds exactly what you need to make 2022 your year, message me to set up a time for us to talk, one-to-one. I want to make sure the program is right for you, so we have to have a conversation. So, ladies, I want to thank you for your precious time today, because your time is your most important resource in creating your dream life.
And given I’m currently in Boston, I’ll say see you soon. And to my friends back in Paris, à bientôt.
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