Podcast Episode 60: Doing Creates the Real Stretch!

Welcome everyone! I’m Sharri Harmel, Editor and Chief Creative of the Extraordinary Women Magazine, Community and Podcast.

Our sole focus is to support women like you to make their dreams come true and create a life that matters.

Dreams matter. No matter what our age, lifestyle, past experiences or current situation…our dreams matter. They are part of the essence of who we are and provide the hope for what we could be.

This episode was supposed to be an interview with the amazing Krystal Kenney, but due to my technology issues, that conversation is going to be a in a week or two. Because of my technology issues, I thought it might be a good time to talk about the discomfort of the stretch.

Think of stretching our bodies. The level of discomfort in say stretching our quads or hamstrings is solely dependent on how often we regularly stretch.

If you are someone who spends a great deal of time sitting in a chair because you’re on a computer those muscles get tight and unless we stretch, they end up so tight they cause us pain.

We know that we have to stretch our bodies both to feel better but also to prevent injuries and as we get older, it’s even more important we stretch.

But how does that relate to life?

Well, stretching ourselves in our daily life is also uncomfortable and depending upon your life choices, it can be really uncomfortable.

I’ve been making Paris my half-year home base for a few years now. When I first started coming, I knew zero French. I was much more of an anglophile than a Francophile. Having never taken a second language in high school or college, learning another language was daunting, but I tried. I tried group classes, more group classes until I finally found my really good online teacher, Karine Duffing. I shared Karine’s story in the October Issue of the EW Magazine, but let’s get back to stretching.

I began my French lessons long after my brain was open to new ways of communicating so my brain was super resistant to the sounds and rules of this new language. But when I decided to spend more time in Paris, I made the commitment to myself, to try. And it’s been hard…. really hard. Oh, I can learn in the sessions, I now know a bit of the grammar (had to learn English grammar first) but the hard part is the doing.

The doing in learning this new language is actually going out and trying to speak it.

It’s the doing that is the scariest and hardest part of any stretch. Yet hidden within all that difficulty, is a reward that will make you want to dance.

For two years, I looked at a fresh fish market on rue du back. I’d sit at the café across the street and watching the happenings in the poissonnerie du bac. It is a happening place, especially on Sunday mornings when people are shopping for the afternoon family dinner.

I loved watching it all. There are always two well-built men with big aprons on, rubber gloves and boots who would help the people make their fish choice and then weight and clean the fish for the person to take it home. It was a fast, loud and high energy in an incredibly tiny space. Much as I wanted to walk in and order something, all my language insecurities rose to the surface- what are the different kinds of fish called? How much do I order? Will anyone wait on me? So, I watched from the cafe across rue de Bac and imagined myself ordering something.

Well, this fall, I signed up for an online cooking class with Jane Webster from My French Table, and scallops were on the menu for last Friday’s dinner. I suddenly knew I would have to go into that fish store if I wanted really fresh scallops, so I put on my big girl smile and walked in.

One of the burly guys listened to my horrible French when I ordered… “Je voudrais deux-cent grams of eay- scal- upe”. He immediately went to the bucket of scallops in their shells. Picked up a number of them, weighed them, and then walked to this long sink counter. I was panicking under my mask … how was I going to get the scallops out of the shells? I just watched as he plopped those scallop shells onto the sink counter and one by one, proceeded to remove the scallops from their shells. I pulled out my phone and took a video of the process which I posted on Instagram because I had never seen it before! But I was proud. Proud of myself for swallowing my fears and walking in to order what I wanted!

That’s the gift of a stretch!! You not only feel proud, but you also feel confident, you feel on top of the world, and what’s super interesting … with each stretch, you are ready for an even bigger stretch!

I planned out my visit to the fish monger but honestly, it was a stretch I had been working towards … all my little attempts to converse with waiters, my newsstand man who tries to converse because I keep buying Le Parisien newspaper, the pharmacy staff and grocery store clerks have all been tiny stretches that gave me the courage for my BIG stretch. Just like life!!

Our little stretches, our little pushes to do what we really want to do, are so important because they get us ready. Those little stretches are what prepares us for the transformation, the bringing the dream into reality.

Yes, learning, exploring, imagining, mind mapping and planning…. you name it, is all super fun and can even be quite energizing.

But the real stretch only happens in the doing. And it is the doing that is so hard and often more than a little intimidating.

I hear so many women talk about what they want to do … what they’d like to create … how they want more and actually need more in their life … and even though there is planning and imagining … they stop themselves from stepping into the doing.

I recognize this pattern because I did it for years. I was going to buy some goats and start a goat cheese or soap business. I was going to write a book, live more simply, figure out my marriage once and for all… I was planning out a Cottage cove lifestyle on our horse farm long before that was even a phrase, but I didn’t do it for lots of reasons.

They are all really good reasons, yes, but the bottom-line is I didn’t take any chances for me…. I didn’t stretch myself for myself to get busy on my dreams. My dreams were all on paper and swirled around in my head as I drove from tutor to tutor for my daughter, but I didn’t DO anything that would take me even a tiny step towards my dreams….

Yes, all that doing for others was important and necessary. But I ask you, just as I finally asked myself – is the doing for others also a really good excuse for me not to get started in the doing for my own dreams?

I think that’s possibly true … and as a result … the years passed one after another, and slowly I became more and more unsure of my abilities to make any of my dreams a reality…

Just like hamstrings and quads in your legs become shorter and tighter with time if you don’t stretch, so too does our willingness and confidence to engage in or even contemplate a stretch in our lives.

But just like your body, you can start to stretch your confidence by engaging in little- almost seemingly insignificant exercises of doing….

If your body is super stiff, you don’t sign up for a gymnastics class with a bunch of teenagers … instead you start stretching off and on during the day … you stand more than you sit, you start to incorporate little habits that slowly stretch out your hamstrings and your quads … and you begin to notice a difference.

So, let’s apply that new little pattern to your dreams. Make a list of little things, small habits you could begin to incorporate into your daily life that begin to stretch you…. move you a tiny bit closer to your dreams.

If you want to write a book or a fantastic blog, write every single day for ten minutes. Just ten minutes!

If you want to start a podcast, contact one person each week who is doing a podcast. Reach out and find out what platform they use, how they got started, their words of wisdom. Don’t stalk them on IG or FB, contact them.

If you want to create a YouTube platform, start doing some videos on your phone. What works, what doesn’t? What do you say? Is it easy to hear you?

If you’ve got a business idea around maybe handwork such as embroidery, quilting or knitting, sign up for a course, join a knitting circle, let yourself be immersed in the art so you get a better sense of your life living that dream.

Remember, as Richard Branson said-

If your dreams don’t scare you, your dreams are too small.

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Outro

The Extraordinary Women Magazine Community and this podcast are hopefully tools to help you on your journey to creating a life that matters. None of us are celebrities or even well-known, but your voice matters in this community and because you are listening to this podcast, my guess is that you are also a real and true extraordinary woman. So welcome and I encourage you to join the EW magazine community.

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Thank you for your precious time and as I say to my friends and neighbors in Paris… À Bientôt!