Podcast Episode 37: What’s Your Legacy? - Extraordinary Women Magazine

Welcome to Episode 37, of Be the Real You podcast. I’m Sharri Harmel, life and career coach as well as editor of Be the Real You magazine.

It’s Memorial Day here in the United States. Not only is it a time to remember all those men and women who gave up their lives for our country, but it’s a time to remember our loved ones that have passed and I’m going to add, maybe it’s a day we think about getting busy on creating our own memories and legacies.

There are all sorts of people who come into our lives for short periods of time, and yet we never forget them because they made a difference.

So first, let’s all acknowledge all the people who impacted your life.

It’s actually fun to go back to your earliest memories.

I think of….

Sister Lenore at my catholic grade school who gently made me feel special and smart.

The head of my paper route shack who always greeted me with a cheer, “our papergirl has arrived!”

Mrs. Carlson who ran the girl scout troop I was a part of for all of my elementary school years and Mrs. McFadden who was my junior high basketball coach. These were women who donated their time and were amazingly competent.

Then there was Geri Denison who gave me my first job at her grocery story when I was only 14 years old and put me in charge of ordering all the candy.

And Frenchie Rogers, my high school’s badminton coach who for all three years of high school, asked me to play for her.

Every single one of these women is still remembered by me because they made a difference in my life.

Was I loved by my parents? No. Was I encourage by my parents to be all I could be? No.

But, when I took myself through this exercise, I realize I’ve always had an assortment of wonderful women all around me from the time I was a child, who encouraged me, supported me and believed in me. Every one of them positively impacted my self-esteem and self-concept.

Did any of them know the impact they had on me or that I’m sitting here as a woman of a certain age, remembering them? Most likely not, which makes me think of that lovely quote attributed to Justin Cronin

“As long as we remember a person, they’re not really gone.” So, let’s all remember those special people who came into our lives and made a difference, even if just for a short period of time.

This podcast today is motivating me and I hope you too, to make a list of them in your journal. It’ll be fun to see how long the list is and be grateful for all these people.

Now, let’s flip it around. I want you to think about the people who YOU might have been a positive influence in their lives. This is much harder to do because most of us don’t think we make a significant difference in anyone’s lives other than those we see all the time or people we are really close to…. Some of us naturally go to our families, even our children, but ladies, family is often the most likely to take you and all your gifts for granted.

So, set aside your families. Think of people you have interacted with over the years. Those people who come in and out of your daily life in little spirts, starts, and quickly leave.

I bet that every single one of you has a slew of people you positively impacted. You just don’t know it.

For example, when I returned to Minneapolis in 2019, I got my closest sorority sisters together under the guise of a book club but really it was a lovely reconnection between a great group of women. It was ultra-special because we had all known each other since our college days so we had LOTS of stories and we giggled like we were college students again. Before long though, several of those women shared in front of the group, the positive impact I had on them, and how I was admired by them. I was dumbfounded. I wasn’t in their weddings, I wasn’t part of their inner circle, I was older than all of them and had an entirely different education/career path.

Yet, as they told me, I was seen by these women and in a small way, I had made a positive impact on their lives. They all gave me a hard time because I’m such a doer, that it took me – the transplant- to get the group of them together on a regular basis, even though they all lived in the same town. Do you see how that made me feel all confident and cared about? Yet, during the years we didn’t connect, I had no idea that I was even remembered by these women, to say nothing of having made a positive impact.

Now as women, we often judge our own true impact on others by how our children turn out, whether or not our children appreciate us, our work successes, and overall life accomplishments. But honestly, and this is going to sound a little harsh but I hear so many women today talk about how their adult kids aren’t appreciative of their mothers.

Many mothers even they their adult kids really aren’t all that interested in them other than when they need them. I can relate and maybe you can too.

So, what I have learned is that our small impacts on the people who come in and out of our lives, might cumulatively be far greater than any impact we make on one of our children or even our families.

There are the people you spent time with at different stages of your life. The mothers you did scouting with, the younger colleagues you mentored, the young student you tutored in your master’s program, the grocery store check-out clerk you always chat with or the mailman you suddenly got to know due to being home during covid. All were short spurts of impact where you most likely made a difference in someone’s life. I just moved into a new building in Boston, after three years away. I have now crossed paths with several doormen and service worker who mentioned that they remember me from the building I used to live in. I remember them but I didn’t expect them to remember me! So, we never know how we impact others but it has certainly given me pause to think, how do I want to be remembered? Legacies are not just about money you give away after you pass. Legacies are also about making a difference while you are here, and it doesn’t have to be something big …. it can just be the wave you always give to the UPS delivery person.

Memorial Day is about remembering and hopefully, I’ve inspired you to think about not just those who you remember, but also how you want to be remembered. I encourage you to ask yourself, what is the legacy YOU want to create?

This is what BE THE REAL YOU is all about. When we are our real and true selves, we naturally take the time to smile at someone regardless of their position. We want to show up as our best self all the time because doing so, creates reciprocal happiness.

I found that after my divorce, I had to figure out who the real me was again. I think widows can have the same question. Or even empty-nesters. When a role we had is suddenly gone, it leaves us with ourselves. Our real and true selves. When you are no longer daughters or wives or every day mothers, many of you might struggle with what’s left. If I’m not a wife, a mother, or a daughter, who am I? And ladies, that’s when the fun begins.

I work with a number of women who are suddenly living solo. Actually, living solo is a growing trend and as I discovered myself, living solo can be challenging at first, until you figure out who you really are and the only way to do that is to peel away all your roles and get to the core of you.

Sometimes, all that taking care of others is a way to avoid ourselves. Being busy helping others can be a way to avoid thinking and exploring ourselves. We sometimes even do good things because we need the affirmations of others to acknowledge our goodness.

A couple of podcasts ago, I was talking about money and buying things- and asked the great question- would I want this whatever if no one saw it?

Well, that relates to making a difference or creating your legacy too. What do you do that positively impacts someone’s life but is not something you need to share with others….not something you need to receive affirmations for doing? Your real legacy just might be something you do that no one else sees or even knows about.

That is the REAL YOU who is giving that smile, that wave, that amount of time…

and you can’t genuinely give until you know who you really are and what is truly important to you.

That is why I created this podcast and even my magazine, Be the Real You. I want to support women to step into their real and true selves. It took me a long time to figure out my real self and honestly, I’m still learning, but I don’t want you to wait one more day. I want to give you all the support you need to live, work and create as the real you- not the roles you have at various stages of your life, not because societal trends tell you what’s in and what’s out, but you. The unique and special one of a kind YOU!

MY VERY FIRST Champagne Soiree is on Tuesday, June 29 at 8:30 pm ET. If you didn’t already hear, when I’m in Paris, I regularly attend soirees put on my Nancy Perdot who owns Salon Septiéme in Paris. A fabulous women’s clothing atelier. I got this crazy idea that because I love Nancy’s Soirees, and thought why not create my own, just online.

So, I’m planning one per month. I’m going to try to invite a guest on for a very short presentation on a specific topic and give you all the opportunity to ask questions and connect with each other. I’m going to limit the numbers so connecting is possible. So far, we’ve got some really fun guests who want to join us- we’ll have someone who will talk a little about our money, another about our health, another maybe in the kitchen making a fun summer healthy drink…and more. There will be no cost to attend my Champagne Soirées, I just ask that you invite one other woman to join us. So spread the word! Go to Sharriharmel.com and add your name to the champagne soiree list.

My goal in offering the Champagne Soirées, the magazine, my coaching programs, and even social media posts is that we continue to build Be the Real You community. It truly is a women’s authenticity movement and today, knowing and showing up as the Real You is so important. This movement might just shift the world and in a good way!

So, on this Memorial Day, it’s a day for all of us to remember those who touched our lives in big and small ways but also a day to think about and even write in your journal what is really and truly important to you- the non-negotiables of your life, and sign up for the magazine, join the FB group and get the support you need to make Being the Real You, your personal manifesto.

Thank you for your time today!

Take care everyone and see you soon!

A bientôt.