Podcast Episode 17: Recapture Your Joie de Vivre

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Sharri Harmel Today’s topic is Joy- or more specifically, how we recapture and keep joy in our lives.

We all know the French phrase la Joie de Vivre or the joy of living.

But what is joy?

It is when we feel very alive, happy, and hopeful.

As children, our bodies perfectly understand what joy is all about.

But what happens when we grow up?

We learn to “behave,” and it starts when we are very young. I remember as a little girl in my kindergarten class, we had naps. Well, my little self never needed a nap. So, when it was nap time, I’d always put my mat down next to my friend who happened to have very long, and very beautiful, dark hair. Now, I had super short white-blonde hair that my mother often cut. Even as a kindergartener, I knew it didn’t look good. Plus, I wanted long, dark hair. So, once the room was quiet, I’d take a section of my friend’s hair and lay it down my chest, pretending it was mine. Pure joy….until my teacher, Mrs. Glover reprimanded me.

This is an example of how we slowly learn that expressions of joy are “unacceptable.” We learn we are supposed to moderate our emotions. We put on our “game faces” and play out our roles as perfect mother or wife, dutiful daughter, loyal employee, strong leader. It is only when we are really old, is it okay to once again display joy. If you question that statement, just break out into a skip the next time you are walking down the street! You’ll get some severely disapproving or even concerning looks!

So how do we recapture la joie de vivre back into our lives?

The first key is that you regularly need to work on your self-esteem.

Your self-esteem has many ingredients.

It’s how you see yourself in the world. Whether you look at the world as filled with opportunities or one trial after another, growth versus closed mindset. Your self-esteem also includes the running thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself. Are you capable? Are you worthy? All of these play into your self-esteem.

Why is self-esteem so important? Over and over, I have seen that your self-esteem is the primary determinant of whether or not you’ll achieve your goals and dreams.

But know that your self-esteem is also like a muscle and therefore needs constant attention. There will be challenges, that’s all part of life. But, just like strength training for our bodies, if you pay attention and take good care of your self-esteem, you can effectively manage yourself through any difficult times.

I do have to speak about comparisons. They are so easy to do because our culture today is all about comparisons. Well, comparisons steal away our self-esteem. If you let yourself fall into comparing yourself to others, you’ll never feel you measure up and you’ll find yourself obsessing over what others are doing. I know because this is something I have to constantly work on.

Think back to when you were a little girl. Remember how you felt skipping down the sidewalk. You never worried what others would think. You didn’t wonder if your skipping style was correct. You didn’t care if your outfit was right. You didn’t wonder if you were too fat or too skinny to be skipping. You didn’t question if you were too old to skip.

There were no comparisons!

You just skipped because you felt happy!

Join me in saying, Comparisons be gone! And call them what they are, which are joy thieves.

So, do a self-esteem check-up.

In your journal, list out those negative and untrue thoughts that steal joy from your life.

Then, on a different page in your journal, write out every obstacle you have overcome, every accomplishment you’ve had, and every positive piece of feedback others have given you along your journey.

Now go back to that list of negative and untrue thoughts, and next to each, write out affirmations based on the actual truths of your abilities.

Life is full of hurdles, and you have overcome them whether big or small. Covid is a perfect example. A hurdle for sure, but if you’re like me, you’ve learned so much about yourself and what you want in life as a result of staying home, that the experience was invaluable.

And when those negative thoughts come up, push back on every one of them and remind yourself of all your accomplishments.

Don’t let those negative thoughts win! Besides, they are just a big pile of hooey!

The next key to recapturing joy in your life is to check on your surroundings.

By surroundings, I mean the people around you and the spaces you live in.

Let’s start with the People in your life.

Are they positive, joy supporting people or negative nellies who focus on what’s not working in the world?

If you aren’t feeling good when you are around them, have a conversation. Maybe they aren’t aware of how they are impacting you. Kindly share how you are feeling and ask for what you need and want. Asking for what you want is another super important ingredient to your self-esteem.

Some people can easily ask for what they want but if isn’t true for you, practice. I say that because before I learned to ask for what I wanted and needed; I would bottle things up until I was ready to explode! Then, I’d let it all out almost as an attack on the other person, asking why they weren’t supporting me. The problem was that they had no idea that I wanted or needed because I never mentioned it! I was angry at them for not being able to read my mind.

So, talk and share. Actually, sharing your big dream and explaining what you need to make it happen is a learned skill. And you need that skill to recapture the joy in your life.

Now there are those people who still won’t be able to pivot. We all know serial negative nellies or women who are focused on things that don’t matter to you, but don’t let them bother you. Those women are not your peeps!

If you are ready to step into The Real You…the True You, you’ll want to find other women who are also real and true.

I promise you, once you recapture your joie de vivre, you’ll attract friends who are also living with the same joy and the same authenticity you have.

The second component of your surroundings are your Places & Spaces.

The places where you spend most of your time do need to be clean and organized.

Is your home a place of calmness and organization or is it a crazy mess? Messy surroundings often do create messy minds. It is very hard to focus when there are so many things are around you, just waiting to distract you! We’ve all figured this out over the past year.

Now, I’m an organization nut. That’s a strength of mine but it might not be for you. If this isn’t your strength, get someone to help you. What a great reminder to ask for what you need and want!

We are now in our homes more than ever and this might be a new trend that sticks. Therefore, it is now more important than ever, that our homes nurture us and cultivate our joy in living.

The last key to recapturing Joie de Vivre in your life is to check on how you spend your time.

What activities fill your day? Where is your time spent? Are you engaging in dream busting time wasters or dream nurturing activities? Do you feel joy in any of your daily activities?

A fun way to check on how you are spending your time is to keep a time journal for an entire week. Write everything in it. You’ll suddenly see how you spend your precious time day after day.

Explore your habits. Do your habits support you, move you towards your dreams? Or do you lay in bed at night and ask yourself why you engaged in that activity for another day.

We all need encouragement. So, congratulate yourself when you’ve maintained a good habit one day at a time until soon, you’ll be reflecting upon weeks of a good habit. That said, good habits are much more difficult to incorporate into our lives than non-supportive habits. They say it takes 21 days to form a good habit, but honestly, I can incorporate a bad habit into my life in less than a week. So, not all habits are created equal! Be your own cheerleader when you’ve had a win regardless of how small it is. If you have a setback, encourage yourself to get back on track. This is where my Facebook group can help. Ask for support from the group and you’ll get it.

Next is movement. I learned that movement does reset the brain, so use it to bolster your outlook and self-esteem whenever you are feeling challenged. If you slip up on a habit or start thinking negative thoughts or make comparisons, put on some music and dance! Who can sit still to September by Earth, Wind & Fire or Dancing Queen by Abba? And the next time you’re out for a walk, let yourself break into a skip!

Watch your social media interactions, what you are reading, what videos are you watching. Your brain is a sponge, so pay close attention to what you are feeding it.

You and you alone are in control of how and what you feed your brain.

Last, explore your interests. What makes you smile? What relaxes you? What are those special moments?

I love when the Eiffel Tower in Paris not only lights up, which happens at sundown, but twinkles, which happens are the start of every hour! Ooh-la-la, the darkness of winter has a special benefit.

And when I’m in Boston in December, I’m a happy camper when the lights on Comm Ave come on. I love, love, love it! No matter what, I will head out to see it because it makes me so happy, I could skip!

I love to cook; I love to read. I love birds. I like history.

So, find what activities and interests bring you more Joie de Vivre and then schedule them in!

In summary, to Recapture Your Joie de Vivre,

Diligently work on your self-esteem
Check on your surroundings and make changes if needed
Observe how to spend your time. Make each day joyful.

Ladies, I do hope this has been helpful.

I want every one of you to embrace your own unique Joie de Vivre for 2021.

If you are ready to recharge your joy in living, I have got my brand new three-week mini course titled Recapture Your Joie de Vivre coming out in February.

Give it to yourself as a Valentine’s Day gift! That is truly Loving the Real You!

Go to my website sharriharmel.com and join the wait list. I will be doing a short webinar the end of January to share all about that mini course.

As always, thank you for listening and if you liked this podcast please write me a review. Reviews do matter!

À bientôt!