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Hi everyone.

As you may or may not know, I spend half of every year in Paris. Making that decision wasn’t an impulsive one because logistically, it is a bit of a balancing act.  I slowly moved towards that decision as I spent more and more time in Paris, not as a tourist, but as a resident. Or sort of a resident….

 

In the beginning I’d get questions like…

Paris again?

Aren’t you interested in going anywhere else?

Why Paris?

My very first answer (and I’ll add it came out of my mouth with absolutely no thought)

“I’m going back to Paris because I like the woman I am in Paris.”

Even I was shocked when I said this the first time.

Let me explain. If you’re like me, when you travel with other people, your focus is on how to keep them happy.

I had previously been to Paris a couple of times.  Once with my former husband who by the way hated it. And a second time with my daughter when I was going through my divorce. Kelly was thinking of attending a cooking school as a pastry chef, so we visited one patisserie after another for her to get a sense of options and tastes. It was fun but honestly it required a rather strict diet when I returned home.

So, my first solo visit to Paris was the spring after my divorce. I call this my first real visit because it was the very first time, I had the luxury of doing only what I wanted. I had joined a small women’s tour group as a backup, but I spent the week before and the week after the tour by myself in Paris.

I had no idea that it would be the start of my healing journey, I just wanted to walk the streets of Paris, especially along the Seine, visit local shops and sit in Parisian cafes watching the world walk past me. I had minimal expectations because honestly, I felt completely invisible. At that point in my life, my mindset was rock solid in the belief that any sort of love, romance and specialness had passed me by, like there was some sort of portal I had missed, never to return again. I truly felt I would be only an observer of what remained of my life, never again a significant participant.

Sounds pretty awful right?

Well, I believe many of you can relate. Lots of women are in that place of going through the motions of life, but not really believing that great joy or great love is ever possible again. It’s like taking a joy-valium pill. No joyful highs, no huge lows, just moderate, middle of the road emotions…

BUT, and here is the good news….

On that very first trip, Paris started to speak to me.

As crazy as that sounds, she did. Over and over.

In Paris, I began to see other women around my same age, who were beautifully dressed and walked confidently wherever they went.

Waiters made eye-contact and smiled at me when I answered their question of whether or not I had liked their suggested entrées or plat du jour.

Walking into shops and sharing a bonjour and later au revoir with the salesclerk was further proof that my cloak of invisibility was slipping. 

Then I was introduced to French lingerie. I visited a presentation at Cadolle, one of the oldest couture lingerie shops in Paris now run by the fourth generation of an amazing family of French women. Walking into the shop was like walking into a dream or a movie set. Deep carpets, elegant furniture, laces and fabrics busting out of boxes filled with options, a few beautiful pieces hanging on a rack, and of course, champagne. When the little presentation was over, I began to walk out of the couture salon with the group, when suddenly, I turned, walked up to Madame Cadolle and said I’d like to schedule an appointment. Again, what I wanted just came out of my mouth with no thought. (Very unlike me.)

Back at my hotel I asked myself whether I had lost it? Because I’m the only one who ever sees what bras I wear, what was the point? And how much was this craziness going to cost me? Very unlike myself, I hadn’t asked about prices.

As I walked to the salon for my scheduled appointment with Madame Cadolle, I wondered who I really was? Had I drunk some sort of magic potion that made me think I could feel like all the women I saw walking up and down saint Honoré. I was terrified knowing I’d have to get naked. It had been a very long time since anyone other than myself had seen me naked. Frankly I hardly looked at myself when I got out of the shower! Now I thought, you silly woman. Someone is going to have to see me to measure me for this couture bra. It felt like the epitome of vulnerability.

Well, I should not have worried. Madame Cadolle warmly greeted me when I arrived, and we began. Like all couture, multiple visits were required. Each time, while Madame Cadolle would repeatedly re-pin and re-measure the pattern her seamstress had created, we discussed my divorce, our daughters, my son, European history, French culture, and aging. Poupée Cadolle is a kindred spirit and I have loved, loved every minute I have spent with her over the past many years.

But ladies, why is it that in America, we women tend to save beautiful things for “special occasions” that usually involve gaining the appreciation of other people? We do it with our china, tablecloths, certain outfits and definitely our lingerie. Isn’t our own appreciation enough?

A few weeks later, as I walked out of Cadolle’s beautiful couture salon after my final fitting of my very first couture bra, I realized I was a different woman.

Paris had changed me.

That first visit began a mindset shift I have never before experienced. With each visit back to Paris, that shift was reinforced until I realized that the city of Paris actually taught me that I needed to love me before anyone else ever could love me back. 

So, what was that mindset shift? Paris helped me to gain a new mindset about how I thought about myself, my current life and my future. Everything was suddenly lighter, more exciting, and in technicolor. I decided that if I had been invisible, it was a cloak I had voluntarily put on and therefore the reverse was definitely possible. It was time to throw out my invisibility cloak or maybe even burn it in my backyard.

I suddenly felt I had options and dreams and it all started with how I viewed myself.

I decided that…

• Even if I never found that wonderful man to adore me, I could adore myself.
• Even if I had to walk away from the big family house filled with memories of my marriage and life of over twenty years, I could find an apartment and turn it into my own little jewel box.
• Even if I hadn’t been officially anything with “no title,” I could step into my skillset and start a business. And guess what- it has my name on it!

Now that’s embracing visibility!

I don’t know why Paris in particular healed me, I just know she did. I kept returning for needed reboots, until suddenly I no longer answer that I go to Paris because I like the woman I am when I’m there. I am that woman, all the time, and she is the REAL Me! 

Plus, I no longer need to explain to anyone why I live in Paris half the year. I just do.

So, Paris fueled me to begin MY Life Reimagined.

As I said in my Thanksgiving post, I’m thankful for the United States, my native country, but I am also thankful for France, because it is the country that has healed me.

But what about you? What feelings have you resigned yourself to that feel heavy or so boringly routine that you can only see years of sameness in front of you?

A friend of mine in the US, who is married to a Frenchman, shared a great little book with me about “routinitis.” The title is “Your Second Life Begins When You Realize You Only Have One” by Rafaëlle Giordano, who is a French Life Coach. (Super uncommon!) As one reviewer said, “Giordano teaches us how to come up for air and to fall in love with life.”

So, I suggest you get quiet. Be alone with yourself. Ask these hard questions.

Do I feel loved?

Do I love myself?

Do I love what I am doing? 

When I open my eyes each morning, am I excited for the day?

Do I care for myself with honor and adoration?

Do I like how I am acting in my relationships?

Do I like the woman I am right now?

If any of your answers are no,

I want to suggest that it is time for you to explore the REAL you,

and then you too can create YOUR own life reimagined.

As always, if you liked this podcast, please add a review and join my list on sharriharmel.com.

That way you’ll get notices of any new podcasts, conversations, live events or even courses in the works.

Take good care and I hope to see your name on my email list and FB group.

À bientôt!

 

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