Podcast Episode #126 I Invested in Failure
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Midlife is filled with questions and choices! In many ways, we’re like college students again with a multitude of options. It can be hard to know what to do next. Are you feeling stuck or lacking clarity in which direction to go?
Today, Sharri gives you 4 tips on how to move forward on your dreams and goals!
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Am I the only one who sometimes doesn’t know what to do next?
Midlife is filled with questions and choices! In many ways, we’re like college students again with a multitude of options…
And frankly, we can get just as stuck, just as confused by all the options as we did when we were 20 years old.
Over and over, women will share they find themselves questioning what’s next, which option do I choose.
Hi everyone and welcome to the extraordinary women magazine podcast.
I’m Sharri Harmel, editor in chief of the extraordinary women magazine as well as your host for this podcast.
The Extraordinary Women Magazine is the only international digital and print magazine AND podcast, with the mission to help women like you create and live a fabulous next chapter.
Midlife is crazy, confusing, interesting, sometimes sad and sometimes joyful. Right??
Do any of these questions go through your head?
The side hustle questions…
Is it the right time to start my business idea? If so, what is my first step?
How the heck do I manage a virtual team that is spread all over the country?
How do I find good people to help me with things like social media, technology, podcast, etc?
How much of my savings should I invest in starting my business?
The health questions…
Am I eating healthy enough? Am I exercising enough?
Is the fact that I’m forgetting things a sign of something worse coming down the pike?
Then those relationship questions…
My kids are all grown, yet do I dare move even part time to that place I’ve dreamed of living for most of my life?
How do I oversee my parents’ issues, my kids needs and still honor my own dreams?
Why do I always feel I’ll have time for me after taking care of everyone else’s issues?
Yay for midlife. It’s messy. It’s bumpy. It’s un-certain….and yet we’re suppose to be women of a certain age? Nothing certain about it.
First- know that you are not alone.
Women are wired differently than men- we all know it. We often worry about things that haven’t happened and some may not ever happen. Most men don’t do that. Now I’m generalizing but the emotional makeup of men is very different from women and therefore planning out this next chapter of your life is going to look much more like other women than your partner’s, if you partner is a man.
It’s easy to feel alone, but I encourage you to share with other women how you are feeling and ask them questions. Their shares will help you. What are their plans, how are they balancing the older parent with their own dreams and plans.
You’re not necessarily asking for answers but for comradery. You’ll feel much more relaxed with the fact that you don’t know what’s next when you realize other women are feeling the exact same way.
Just like when you were a teenager, it is easy to think you are the only person who is struggling with some particular issue, and that makes the issue big- much bigger than it needs to be.
Talking with others dealing with similar issues normalizes the problems and will let you relax into various perspectives and possibilities.
#2 Accept that you might just have to try some things out- some will be wins and some will be fails.
I’ll give you a personal example. I moved back to Minnesota about a year before the pandemic to help out my kids. I bought a historic home near both of them and began the restoration. Well, they both found loving partners and moved a good distance from my historic home, so I ended up a big house really living in only three rooms.
I sold the Minnesota home and moved to the Seaport area of Boston, where everyone is techy, young, and hip. I’m none of those things….and my good Boston pals are all in the back bay and beacon hill. So after two years, I’m thinking of putting this Boston condo on the market.
Life is one big long experiment and there will be wins and there will be failures…..
I have learned to accept that I might have just enjoyed a new area of Boston, decorating and then finding another apartment to make fabulous.
Same goes for people I have hired to work on my team. The negative of virtual teams is you don’t get in front of them as often as you would if you had an in-person team. There are so many reasons virtual teams are fantastic for starting and growing a side hustle or full time business, but what no one talks about is how to manage them…and only you are that manager.
Some of my hires have been fabulous, but others were not.
So, whether personal or professional, I’ve learned though that if you listen to your gut, you’ll eventually know if you are living in the right place, starting the right business and hiring the right person. That said, sometimes your gut says- comme si, comme ça, meaning it isn’t good or bad…It doesn’t have enough information to know…
To get the needed information, you have to dive in, take action, and then, you’ll start to get messages that help you to make a decision.
#3 Think and plan outside the box….
We often only are inside boxes that we ourselves have created or allowed to exist. So, rip open the box and think about how something could be managed differently. Remember the serenity prayer? Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change- in other words, let go of them, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Focus on what you can change and that often means you have to get out of the box of certainty and step into the what if?
Aging parents usually means you need help…but you don’t have to do it all. It feels lovely to be needed but caring for aging parents is a heavy load. Talk to your siblings, talk to others who are dealing with the same issues- could there be coops sort of like home school coops created outside of family so that you each have days off and days on? If you need emotional support… what if you created a little mastermind group of likeminded women who are trying to care for aging parents that meets once/month to share ideas and resources.
The point is, how can you find ways to manage the demands on your time if you let yourself think creatively… You need to take care of yourself so that you can support others and we’re focusing in on your time here. Time can’t be purchased, you never get more time in a day.
So how are you spending your time? Are there changes that can be made so that you spend more time on what you want to create in this next chapter of your life rather than putting everyone off until that someday when you have more time?
Another example, Very few parents live where their adult children live, and yet feel the desire to connect with them. Visiting someone a distance away requires time and resources. I often find that when I go visit my kids and grandkids in Minnesota, time is so hectic that I don’t get the time to just sit and talk…the time I remember with my own grandparents and even my parents. Those random conversations over coffee that we all enjoyed.
Well, I’ve started sending emails. Yes, emails even though both my kids prefer texting. But texting is incredibly limiting. It’s bullets and even acronyms for emotions and communication. It doesn’t work for me. I’m always left feeling empty. I love nothing more than letters. That lovely show “Finding Your Roots” is always reading letters from ancestors or old newspaper clippings. Years ago, I found the letters my family had sent me on one of my away girl scout camp excursions and they were so fun to read.
So, maybe we don’t send paper letters, but why not emails? Share your thoughts, dreams, ideas and love with people you love – via email. Do it not expecting a response, but to communicate feelings…I say that because recently I sent my son my thoughts on some issues he is going through with his children. I rambled on…even sent him a book I talked about in the email.
I heard nothing back and my brain went to – oh no, you stepped over the line Sharri. Well, a while later I said something else via text and apologized for the email and my son immediately said- I so very much appreciate your insight. Bingo, we had a connection. That was more valuable for me that getting on an airplane and doing a dinner visit.
Technology has changed our lives in so many ways…and created ways for us to think of ways to connect with others outside the box. Now what if you take your idea, a dream, a want…and ask yourself, how can I get there but differently?
Actually- did you hear the two different business ideas that came up in this conversation?
Virtual team specialist recommendations….and a mastermind for adults with aging parents. Outside the box ladies!
#4 Let go of caring what others think
I’m going to give you a silly example of this in action. I was recently in NYC because I wanted to see two plays. Funny Girl with Lea Michele and Leopoldstadt. I stayed at the Whitby Hotel, which is one of Kit Kemp’s US hotels, because I love her London hotels. Same layouts, design, towels, scents, etc…but that’s for another podcast.
When I travel, my brain is super creative. I write like a maniac. What’s that saying…when you travel, you step into the real you….
Well, after arriving at the hotel, I thought, I should go out and see NYC. That’s what tourists do, right?
So off I went…I admired the remaining buildings of beauty as I walked, comparing it to Paris. Not nearly as pretty, yet some of the older, historic buildings are incredible. It’s too bad more were not saved.
On 5th Avenue, I went into a couple of shops- one being Bergdorf Goodman’s. Their building is so pretty, and I wanted to see inside. I went through the circulating door and landed in the handbag area- one luxury brand area after another. Walking to Goyard, a French brand I was acquainted with, I heard one customer ask, how much is it, and the saleswoman answered 26. Umm, I thought that’s an odd answer. Then looking at another bag, I heard another customer ask the same question and a different saleswoman answered 14. I’m wondering what the heck that means? 14 thousand or 14 hundred? I’ve never heard answers like that.
Confused I wandered over to Loro Piana, now own by LVMH. It is a classic brand I’ve always loved. Their fabrics are the softest of wools. Looking at a cape, and touching it, a salesman came out of the back room, gave me the once over and immediately dismissed me. He actually spun around and went back to his little area without even saying hello. I was in a perfectly presentable Eileen Fisher wool coat, but nothing close to an 8 or a 26 (whatever that means) and judged to be not worth that salesman’s time. I felt a little insecure, and thought, I just want to go back to the hotel and write, so I left the store.
But I’m a tourist, so shouldn’t I be doing something? I walked up 5th avenue and saw the Plaza Hotel and the start of Central Park. Deciding I didn’t really want to explore what I had seen so many times but for a few seconds I thought…everyone is going to think I’m a nut if I never leave the hotel. I even criticized myself and said Sharri, how can you travel to NYC and not shop?
But the bottom line, is that I took the train from Boston to NYC to see two plays, go out for dinner, stay in one of Kit Kemp’s hotels (which is like a 2nd home for me) and pull in the creativity I get when I travel and work on my business. That’s it. What the hotel staff thinks of me is irrelevant. They see so many people, I doubt they even know I’m here. What a dork I am…and I’m too old for any of this nonsense.
I have a plan and I’m working the plan in a way that makes me happy.
So ladies, as hard as it is, stop caring what other people might think and let go of all those shoulds….Plus, we have no idea what anyone really thinks unless we ask them, right?
And about those shoulds? Grant me the serenity to accept what I can’t change… which starts with other people’s thinking and societal pressures…
As a mother you should…
As a wife, you should….
As a woman over 40 you should
As a woman over 50 you should be….
Blah, blah, blah, none of it is important. Remember, you are embracing the courage to change what you CAN control. You can write your own story, design your own path and get moving and doing the things that take to you where you want to go. Think outside the box- let yourself get super creative in possibilities and start doing. Everything gets clearer when you start doing.
Ladies, the Extraordinary Women Podcast AND Magazine are all about supporting you.
We are a new generation of women who are not going to quietly fade into our next chapters, but instead design a fabulous one. Inside the EW magazine there are articles on creating and growing side hustles, but also travel, style, relationships as well as the all-important self-care.
A subscription to the Extraordinary Women Magazine is free so don’t hesitate, don’t procrastinate…subscribe now.
Thank you for joining us today….and look forward to our next Extraordinary Women Podcast.
Have a great week and I look forward to seeing you soon….
À bientôt.
Extraordinary Women magazine is the “must-have” digital magazine for women looking for inspiration, tips, and support to create a fabulous business, or just the next chapter. In a nutshell, for women who are ready to make their dreams happen.
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