Extraordinary Women Blog #4 – Where’s My Cheese?
I hate to drive. I have a car in Boston. I purchased it in 2015 but it only has 10k miles on it and most of those miles were added when I lived in MN during the pandemic. Yet, I keep my license and my very unnecessary car for just this reason….
This upcoming weekend, I’m driving to the Berkshires in MA to photograph Edith Wharton’s summer home named The Mount for our October Magazine issue, which will be focused on writers and publishing! Plus, Edith’s Paris home is about two blocks from my own Paris apartment. I love discovering these weird synchronicities between time periods and people.
The Berkshires are only a 2+ hour drive from Boston but in preparation, I began to panic and found myself tossing and turning instead of sleeping for several nights. Traveling as a solo takes a LOT of courage. A train or plane trip raising my anxiety but a solo car ride. Off the chart!
What if the car doesn’t start? (Highly probably considering I hadn’t turned it on since right before I left for Paris in March.)
How am I going to get on the MA turnpike? What if I don’t have an EZ pass, how will I get through the tolls?
Do I know where I’m going? What if I break down along the way? It went on and on.
THEN…. after hours of being awake, I walked to my living room and said out loud, “Sharri, what if you look at this entirely different? What if your perspective is that this is just another grand adventure rather than something to stress out about? Does that change anything?”
Suddenly everything shifted for me.
Adventures are fun. I LOVE adventures. And now, I’m not going to let myself think about it any other way.
Shuffling back to bed, I immediately fell asleep. The next morning, after a couple of expressos to get my eyes fully open, I thought about what had gone on the night of tossing. I called for my car, which certainly needed jumping to get it going, and then drove around south Boston for 30 minutes to re-charge the battery. Funny how everything seems to fall into place when we’re not in panic mode, right? I even went through a car wash so my car all spiffy when I get on the road for my next adventure!
As I drove around south Boston, I talked to myself and realized just how much perspective mattered to my mindset.
Ahh mindset. Much as that word seems over used…. Mindset is THE key to things working out in your life AND finding happiness.
For me, mindset begins with perspective. I can be SO sure something is going to happen, or someone is thinking something AND usually I’m totally wrong! @! Really Wrong!!
Maybe you can relate so this week I’m sharing two of the best books written on the subject and even a game that have helped me to connect with my attempts to change my perspective.
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First up is the game. I call “My Problem Viewfinder.” Remember those old viewfinders that were maybe around when you were a kid? Now, I’m totally dating myself but for those of you who are too young to know what I’m talking about, you’d slip these cards into the top of the viewfinder that looked sort of like a mini-google glasses. You’d then click the button, and you’d get different views of whatever the subject- the Grand Canyon, the top of a mountain, NYC, etc. Each click of the Viewmaster would give you a different perspective of the subject.
Well, what if we create a view finder with our problems?
Step One…I start by standing somewhere in a room and say out loud what the situation is and what is bothering me, what is causing me anxiety. Blurt it out…no one will be listening….so share all of it.
Step two…Next, physically walk to a different area of the room, and now repeat the same issue, BUT with a different perspective, a different result, an entirely different reality of what could be going on. Pretend you put on a different pair of glasses that allows you to see the same problem but from a different vantage point.
Step three, etc.…. Keep moving to different spots in the room as you try out different perspectives of the same issue.
What this little game teaches me every single time is that there are many possible outcomes that I’m not thinking about because I fixated on that one, pretty awful possible outcome.
My car isn’t going to die on the way to the Berkshires.
My car will be fine and the view along the MA turnpike to the Berkshires is very, very pretty.
There are rest stops along the way if you want to take a few photos.
This is such a cool adventure. You’re going to see the home where Edith Wharton wrote some of her most successful novels!!
You’ll discover as I did, that as you move around the room (and your physical movement is important!) that your possible catastrophic outcomes have a teeny, tiny chance of happening. The other perspectives or possibilities are in fact rather exciting and energizing!
This is a fun game to play with kids too…. especially those pesky teens.
Besides the Problem Viewfinder Game, there are several books and videos that have helped me.
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Carol Dweck’s book on mindset Is THE mindset foundation book. She has done an updated version but truly the original is so good, you’ll start to question whatever has you tossing and turning over when you are trying to sleep. Carol also did a TED talk that I’m sure you’ll enjoy. https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_ of_believing_that_you_can_improve
Many mindset books seem to have a career focus and over the years, I have come to realize that mindset is much bigger than having a career you love. Mindset is the #1 ingredient to happiness and life success, and far bigger than career success.
Perspective is only a part of mindset but frankly, I think it’s the hardest mindset shift to make.
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Remember the book Who Moved My Cheese? It was published in 1998 and was a topic of conversation from board rooms to elementary schools to dinner tables. I remember my daughter asking her dad when he was talking about something he didn’t want to do…” Dad, are you going to be like Hem or Haw?” For those of you who can’t remember the book, Hem didn’t want anything to change so he stayed stuck in a place with no cheese because someone had moved his cheese. Haw took a risk and tried several new directions in the maze and once he let go of his fears, he enjoyed the adventure and eventually discovered all sorts of new cheeses.
This book was published a long time ago and yet, Who Moved My Cheese is once again the perfect book for our changing times.
Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson?
Here are a few of the statements that Haw wrote on the walls of the maze as he searched for his cheese.
“Movement In a New Direction, Helps You Find New Cheese.”
“Change Happens.
They Keep Moving the Cheese.”
I don’t know about you but letting go of old ideas, old opinions, old assumptions of how my life would be….is hard. And yet, the world brings us new possibilities when we open up to change.
The cheese in this little book is just a metaphor for whatever it is that each want in life. What’s your cheese?
A business all our own. A house with a garden. Adult children who are responsive. A great relationship with our significant other or a family member???
Enjoy Change!
Savor The Adventure and Enjoy
The Taste of New Cheese!
Embrace a growth mindset. Get comfortable with change. Use a perspective shift to get you started and trust me, you’ll feel happier.
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