Episode #94 Recapture Your Femininity
Feeling feminine is so important throughout our lives; whether we are young women or women of a “certain age”… and whether we have a partner or not! Femininity is much more than the youthfulness that American women seek after; it is the essence of being female and it is vital to a life filled with joy.
In today’s episode, Sharri shares examples of how the French culture celebrates femininity and how this attitude may be the very source of the “French mystique” so adored by many women, especially in the United States. She also explains how femininity is tied to our self-esteem, our self-confidence… and even our everyday mindset.
Resources and links in this episode:
Extraordinary Women magazine is the “must-have” digital magazine for women looking for inspiration, tips, and support to create a fabulous business, or just the next chapter. In a nutshell, for women who are ready to make their dreams happen. Subscribe today! Extraordinary Women magazine
Cadolle Lingerie Atelier, on rue Saint Honoré in Paris, France
Website: https://www.cadolle.com/en/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maison.cadolle
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cadolle_official/
Style at a Certain Age with Beth Djalali
Website: www.styleatacertainage.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/styleatacertainage/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/BethDjalali
Cuup, virtual bra fittings
Find this episode (and more) on your favorite podcast player at Extraordinary Women with Sharri Harmel
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Episode #94 Recapture Your Femininity
As a “woman of a certain age,” I still love feeling feminine. I think a lot of women feel like I do, but sometimes we lose our connection with our femininity and that’s a much bigger issue than most of us think.
Many of the women I interview for this podcast, and for the Extraordinary Women Magazine, have businesses that are in some way connected to France – whether they are based in France or not. And often, we’ll talk about the mystique of the French woman.
I’m wondering if that love for all things French, is actually about women seeking a re-connection to their femininity. Interesting thought, right? You’re reading this, so my guess is that you too are thinking about whether you still feel feminine.
The “French Mystique” is a celebration
French culture celebrates women. Take Paris, for example. Paris is a feminine city. The curves and twists of the architecture, the love of the details in accessories, a tuck or pleat here or there in a piece of clothing, that seemingly natural elegance of the French woman.
I think part of the mystique surrounding the French woman is that unlike the typical American woman, she doesn’t ever lose her connection to her femininity.
Let me share a story with you. I remember the very first time I was sitting in the Cadolle Lingerie Atelier on rue Saint Honoré in Paris. Cadolle, is a lingerie company run by multiple generations of Cadolle women. It has been around since 1870, when Herminie Cadolle created the brassiere. There is a “ready to wear” side of the business but there is also the couture side, with lingerie pieces made just for you. Poupie (and her daughter, Patricia) currently head up the company and are two of the loveliest, smartest women I know. I’m blessed to consider Poupie one of my very good friends. Poupie and her daughter Patricia, as well as all the Cadolle women who have steered this company, show us that women can be both strong and feminine.
Appreciating femininity is a choice
But, back to my realization that French women never lose their connection to their femininity regardless of their age! The very first time I met Poupie, she told this beautiful story of a couple who had been to her shop that day. First of all, the atelier (or the shop as we’d call it in America) was and is beautiful: comfy chairs; lots of pink, deep luxurious carpet; and cupboards which, when opened, give you a glimpse of beautiful boxes filled lace and satin samples. A few special lingerie pieces are always hanging on a tiny rack in the room. At one end, there is a dressing area with a beautiful curtain. In Poupie’s story of the couple that she met with that day, she shared how the wife went in and out of that dressing area to where her husband was sitting in one of the comfortable chairs. Poupie smiled and said the woman thoroughly enjoyed showing her husband the various pieces she was considering, and he equally loved sharing his thoughts and ideas. Together, this couple chose just the perfect colors and pieces to show off the woman’s skin and body. Now you might be thinking, “Oh sure, this must have been a couple in their 30’s!” Well, you’d be wrong. According to Poupie, they were in their early 80’s!
At the time, as I listened to the story, my eyes filled with tears because I wanted that experience. But I was sad. I never had that kind of marriage and in that moment, I thought that a life with couture bras and silky nightgowns had passed me by.
But later, while cruising on the Seine, I realized that I needed to rethink my beliefs and consider doing this for myself. This wasn’t about having a husband or a partner, this was about me. How I felt about myself… just myself.
So, I made that very first couture appointment with Poupie Cadolle. Many bras, nightgowns and even a beautiful robe later, I want to share with you that this experience changed my long-held beliefs around the purpose of lingerie and re-connected me with my own femininity.
We want to feel feminine again
Now you know why I love France so much. The French culture celebrates femininity, which might also be why so many women have a love affair with France and all things French.
It is possible, whether you are there in person or at home reading a book or paging through a magazine that takes you to France, that we are somehow imagining a re-connection to our femininity as we enter the world of Paris and France. I believe this connection to femininity is incredibly subtle, but it could explain the love affair most American women have with France. We want to feel feminine again.
In France, beautiful lingerie is something a woman buys for herself and wears every day, not for that special date night. Because in France, femininity and sex are totally different discussions. Beautiful lingerie is a French woman’s staple, whether she is partnered or not.
Choosing femininity can bolster your self-esteem, self-confidence, and mindset!
But I just got ahead of myself, and you might be wondering – why does connecting to your femininity even matter?
Well, as women, I believe a connection with our femininity is a major contributor to our self-esteem, our self-confidence…and even our everyday mindset. If you don’t believe me, I want you to try this little experiment.
Get yourself a small pretty piece of pink ribbon or whatever is your favorite color, make a bow and figure out a way to attach it to your bra. Maybe a tiny pin. Tell no one about your little experiment. Wear that bow at least one day, and even better wear that little bow attached to your bra over several days. Throughout the day, whenever you think of it, put your hand on the spot where the ribbon is attached, and use that moment to tell yourself something lovely; that you’re a beautiful woman, you are special, you are incredibly elegant, that you are a very feminine woman.
Now it doesn’t matter what you are wearing on the outside: you might have on a business suit, doctor scrubs, or yoga pants – just put that little bow on your bra.
See if you don’t feel more connected to your femininity
After a few days of wearing the little bow attached to your bra (and reminding yourself throughout the day of your beauty, elegance, and femininity) begin to observe how that experiment has made you feel.
I predict that you are going to start to feel quite special, and maybe even start to fall in love with that little ribbon attached to your bra. Why? Because every day you wear it, it reminds you that you are a woman, and connected you to your femininity regardless of your age, your work life, your love life and even whether you are partnered or not.
That is new for most women and exactly what I learned from my very first Cadolle bra.
As women, we are problem solvers, caretakers, and doers. Many of you currently have or have had very stressful jobs. Jobs that could have required you to cover up or hide any sort of displays of femininity. Some of you have raised children and often the children’s needs made self-care a challenge. Regardless, so many women have put their femininity aside or have hidden it underneath work clothes or yoga pants and sports bras. Lingerie that is serviceable and functional, but so far away from maintaining any connection with femininity.
And when the dust settles, the children grow older, the job isn’t quite as exciting, partners leave or pass, and what can happen for many of you, myself included, is you look into the mirror and realize, you’ve completely disconnected from your feminine side, and it makes you sad.
Find the right way to reconnect to your femininity
Some of us run out and get a new man. Some of us start searching for a plastic surgeon. Some of us do things to try to avoid being perceived as older or God forbid middle-age.
Well ladies, it’s time to change that…
As a woman, our connection to our feminine side is a core ingredient to our self-esteem and none of those surface actions are going to connect you with your very important feminine self.
What about that word femininity?
In America, femininity is often correlated with looking young. Maybe that’s why in America many women desperately try to defy rather than celebrate their ages. Plastic surgery in America is all about trying to look like you did or wish you did when you were 25. Now, some French women also choose plastic surgery, but it’s about tweaks and little changes that are not drastic. No 50-year-old French woman wants to try to look 25.
What is much more common are the many excellent “Institute de Beauté” all over Paris, which are the places for face massages, creams, and treatments. I have one in Paris that I love.
To quote Coco Chanel, “No one is young after the age of forty, but one can be irresistible at any age.”
I think Chanel’s statement embodies the Frenchwoman’s belief that she is smart, attractive, and fascinating… and even more so as she ages. That is a part of the French culture, ingrained just as strongly as America’s love of youth.
But for us American women, that takes some inner work.
I hear from so many American women of a certain age, that they feel more and more invisible as they age. But ladies, we can change this, and it starts with our own beliefs! Together, let’s start a movement to change that – and the place to begin is inside of you.
But back to that question, why does reconnecting ourselves to our femininity matter?
Well, that little experiment I mentioned will help you to understand the important of you re-connecting to your femininity.
After a few days of wearing your hidden little bow and acknowledging yourself as a woman, observe how you are different. Are you walking into a room differently? Are you dressing differently? Are you taking more care to honor yourself just as you are today? Are you looking into that bathroom mirror and smiling at the face that is looking back at you?
What’s changing inside of you as you embrace your femininity?
The bottom line is when you embrace your femininity, you will feel different and dare I say it, more empowered and that combination is the direct connection to increasing your self-esteem!
But as I said, this might take hard work on your part. Culturally, America does not appreciate the aging woman, does not embrace imperfections. America worships perfection or the image of perfection. For some reason we Americans are possessed with the illusion of fairy tales, princes, and princesses.
Look at the Kardashian women for a moment. Some of those women don’t even resemble the faces and bodies they were born with, and yet they have made millions off their created faces and bodies and are adored by many. Yet none of it is real.
We use photos or films with older stars and celebrities as our benchmarks, and most are photoshopped and filtered far beyond anything resembling reality.
The quiet movement to embrace and celebrate genuine life
Yet, I feel there is a quiet movement out there; a movement to embrace and celebrate women of a certain age with realness, interest, and femininity! It all starts with you and how YOU view yourself as a woman.
A few weeks ago, I had Beth Djalali from Style at a Certain Age on this podcast. Beth created a fantastic blog that has morphed into a much bigger brand, far beyond style. Frankly, I believe she has been so successful because she is real and that is something women of a certain age want. Yes, Beth is an incredible businesswoman, but I believe her business has grown into what it is because all of us women of a certain age are ready to change up how aging is interpreted by our culture.
So, yes, there is currently a movement towards a more positive cultural view of aging, but it is a slow movement and sometimes it’s hard.
Now we can all visit Paris and pretend for a few days or weeks… I’ve done just that… but the feeling you’ll have about being woman in Paris is hard to hold onto when you return home, unless you change up your OWN beliefs about femininity and aging.
So, it’s time ladies. It’s time to embrace that we can love our own femininity regardless of our age and still be strong, empowered women. Just like that little bow that you have pinned to your bra that no one else knows about, your femininity must come from within you. It is something you and you alone decide whether or not to embrace.
The foundation is our understanding and appreciation of ourselves
But let’s go back a minute to why your femininity is important and how it is connected to your self-esteem, self-confidence and even your mindset. What is at the foundation of self-esteem and self-confidence? Our understanding and appreciation of ourselves. Not what we want the world to see, but our true selves, the whole package and that includes how we look at ourselves as women.
We’ve all taken the Myers-Briggs tests or Strengths Finder and learned that how we process information and make decisions puts us in a particular personality type with certain gifts and talents. But we’ve also learned that there can be downsides to overusing our strengths, right? Just like a little bit of sugar is yummy… a whole bag of it is too, too much.
So, what if we transpose that concept onto ourselves? Learning to balance the competent, efficient, “doing” selves along our “feminine selves?” That balance is important in every aspect of your life. Many of you might feel incredibly self-confident in certain settings but completely insecure in other settings. I have found that most of those insecure moments are when we are disconnected from our feminine selves.
So, it’s time you pay attention to your feminine self. What does she need? Ask her! And then incorporate what she wants and needs into your everyday life.
So, let’s do it ladies! In place of that little bow, you’ve pinned to your bra, go to the nearest lingerie store, and get fitted for a good bra. To find one, Google “bra fittings” in your area. I’ve read that Nordstroms does bra fittings. I also just found this interesting online company called Cuup, and they do bra fittings virtually. Purchase a beautiful silk nightgown for yourself, one that you love and in a color that makes you feel beautiful.
Now before you say you don’t have time and think that French women sit in cafes all day long, so of course they have time for self-care, 90% of French women work outside the home. So, like the French woman, make taking care of your own femininity a priority in your life. And ladies, I promise you, as you start to reconnect with the feminine side of you, a new woman will begin to emerge. As I used to say when people asked me why I spent so much time in Paris, “I go to Paris because I love the woman I am in Paris.”
Now, I am that woman everywhere I live, not just when I’m in Paris and I want that for you too.
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