Hi everyone! Today we are going to talk about those little things that can quietly and slowly sabotage our dreams.
I’m Sharri Harmel, Chief Creative of the Extraordinary Women Circle and Community, as well as Editor-in-Chief of the Extraordinary Women Magazine.
I’ve been a coach for over 20 years and my dream is to create an even bigger platform so that all women can envision and then step into THEIR big dreams.
Our sole focus in the EW Circle and Community is to support woman like you to ignite their dreams!
And we do that inside the EW Circle, which includes the EW Magazine, regular live conversations and workshops that address just what you need to stay on track with all your plans and dreams and the clarity to create the next version of your life.
Thank you for joining me and let’s get started!!
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Episode 70: Scared Your Dreams Might Come True?
It’s fun to imagine ourselves walking around in the dream we have mapped out for the next stage in our life. We are told by many in the field of self-improvement to do just that. I love it. I can see where I am, what I am doing, what I’m wearing and even imagine that it all goes smoothly.
Yet, something often gets in the way, and I start to sabotage myself. Can you relate? If not, yay for you but if you are like me and start sabotaging what it is you really want in life, ask yourself why do we do that? Why do we start doing little things that essentially sabotage our dreams?
Ladies, we’re afraid. We’re afraid of that BIG dream actually coming true. But wait! Are you kidding me??? Really??? I can’t possibly be afraid of my dream coming true right???
Wrong. Change whether it’s fabulous change or horrible change, change scares us. Maybe not consciously, but there is a powerful part of our brains that likes sameness and fears change no matter if your life routines and habits are good or bad for you. I call it the lizard brain.
So, what do we do to protect ourselves from change, is tiny, little sabotages? And I mentioned that most of this is happening unconsciously …. we just start doing little things that sabotage our dreams.
What might that look like? We start to spend time doing things that aren’t productive … like finding and liking the series called Vera on Netflix. Yes, it’s 11 seasons so that’s a LOT of time!
Or if you’re like me, you’ll start to treat yourself to “a little something” in the afternoon with a cup of tea that unfortunately wakes up your addiction to sugar that you’ve been doing such a good job of controlling. And if you’re feeling a little insecure, instead of getting work done, you might find yourself on Instagram or Facebook to see what the successful people are doing and convince yourself you’ll never catch up to them, so what’s the point.
Ladies…. I’ve done all of these…. these are actually examples from my own self-sabotaging behaviors.
But what I hope you notice is that sabotaging starts with tiny steps…. nothing big. You can actually fool yourself into believing nothing all that dangerous is actually happening. It’s just a Netflix series or a little something sweet every afternoon. But as each tiny step becomes part of your daily routine, it gets more and more significant until it is a major self-sabotage.
Please don’t beat yourself up. This happens to almost anyone.
I mentioned that our brains want the familiar and get really uncomfortable even nervous when change starts to happen.
On a side note, that’s why we tend to attract people that are very similar to our family systems and habits, why we stay in jobs and relationships long after it’s healthy for us, and even crave certain foods that are essentially making us sick. There are part of our brain feels safe and comfortable when we aren’t changing anything.
Our brains are super powerful organs even a sort of computer with multiple functions. But this computer is not only is the information processor, but a certain part of our brain has the responsibility to keep us safe. This is the oldest part of the human brain, and its primary job is watch for danger. It’s where our flight or fight response lives.
Not all that long ago, change was a red flag for danger and that part of our brains- the amygdala- is still triggered when your life starts to change EVEN if it is really good change.
The logical part of your brain maybe decides you need to make some good changes in your daily habits and has the plan all worked out. You’ve got that dream and all the steps to get there. But the lizard brain, the amygdala, overrides all that logic and says danger, danger, change is happening!!
Our dreams require us to change. We may need new habits, new routines or new jobs, maybe even new relationships. And we can struggle with the change no matter how much our hearts want the dream.
It’s now mid-January and you’re thinking about those new year’s resolutions, those plans and goals you wrote down and decided it was going to be the year for you to complete those plans.
And your brain is dragging you down…starting to add in those little sabotages that ultimately derail your dreams.
What can you do to get yourself back on track?
First, bring awareness to all your little sabotaging behaviors will help. You will calm down your lizard brain when you reason with it, and this is where your positive affirmations can help. Comfort your fears by saying things to yourself out loud, we can do this. Nothing is scary. Exploring a business, I want to start, a book I want to write, a project I want to announce – all good. Nothing scary about it. Self-Talk is powerful and that’s how you calm down your lizard brain while you are incorporating all these positive and new changes.
Second, I am running a fabulous (and free) workshop called 3 Weeks to Dream Readiness the first three Tuesdays in February to help you to get back on track.
Now you can try to step into your dream all alone, try to use your self-discipline to pull yourself away from whatever are your own unique little self-sabotages that will ultimately derail your goal for 2022 to be THE year you make bring your dreams to life, but if you’re like me, self-discipline isn’t in abundance, and I need more than self-talk.
For most of us, it is difficult, if not impossible to make any big changes in your life all by yourself. Introvert, extrovert, married, single, old, young – very, very few people can ever accomplish anything without support, some kind of cheering squad, motivating squad. We need feedback and this mini-workshop is a great way to get the support you need to bring the dreams you have for 2022 – to life!
Sign up for this free workshop at the extraordinarywomenmagazine.com.
Outro
Thank you for joining me today. If you liked our conversation, please give me a review, and do come back for more!
There are two ways to be a part of the 3 Weeks to Dream Readiness Workshop.
If you are in the Extraordinary Women Community – which is our Private FB group AND sign up for the workshop, you’ll receive the links to the three live calls as well as receive the recordings.
But if you really want to step into your big dreams AND make sure you you have all the support you need to make it a success – Subscribe to EW Magazine. This puts you in what we now call the EW Circle. Go to extraordinarywomenmagazine.com and subscribe.
You’ll then get 4 issues of EW Magazine…. AND the 3 Weeks to Dream Readiness Workshop. Plus, you’ll receive a beautiful workbook to help support you by giving you the steps laid out that I’ll talk about in the workshop. You’ll then be able to take notes and map out your own process of action steps leading to completing your goals and plans. When you subscribe you also get to submit questions that I’ll address on the live calls.
Again, go to extraordinarywomenmagazine.com and subscribe and let us know you want to be included in the workshop.
Now, there is a lot of dream talk, but what makes me and the EW Circle different is I’ve been a coach- a real coach for over 20 years and ALL that experience helps me to create what you want and need.
The EW Magazine, Workshop, our Conversations, and ultimately the EW circle is about supporting extraordinary women like you. Women who make things happen by figuring out what it is you want, and using your gifts, talents, and strengths to build what it is you want to create!
Go to Extraordinary Women Magazine.com and join us by clicking the subscribe button HERE. It’s only $29.99 AND let me know you want to be added to the Dream Readiness Workshop.
Thank you for your precious time today and given I am now back in Boston; I’ll say See you soon!
And to my friends in Paris, Bonne journée.
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