Podcast Episode 36: Food as My Love Language - Extraordinary Women Magazine

Welcome to Episode 36, of Best the Real You podcast. I’m Sharri Harmel, life and career coach as well as editor of Be the Real You magazine.

This is a continuation of my last podcast, “Women – Cycles, Chapters and Seasons” and today we’re going to talk about food. Yes ladies, food and all the emotions connected with food.

In last week’s episode we talked about how the cycles and seasons of a woman’s life, are the big over-arching themes to a woman’s life. Yet the chapters are something we ourselves write. The chapters of our lives are what we do, how we react to the cycles and seasons we experience.

As a little girl, I grew up in a crazy, anger-filled household. My parents did the best they could but honestly, they never should have had kids. As a way to cope and sooth myself, I learned at a very young age that candy and a good book was THE best escape. I had numerous jobs from a super young age. I mentioned I was a coupon clipper at age 6 & 7, then a neighborhood babysitter, then a papergirl and then a grocery store clerk in charge of ordering all the candy at age 14. So as a kid, I had the money to buy candy. What I didn’t know at the time was I was using sugar to treat myself, calm myself and eventually sugar became my love drug.

I’m going to open myself up and share that one of my next chapters is the create a complete shift around the emotions I have with food.

So here it is ladies (and this is more than a bit scary to share) …but I’m tired of saying to myself, when you get past whatever (fill in the blank), you’ll get back on track with your eating and get back in shape. It has been a long chapter and it is time to start a new next chapter.

The pattern of soothing myself with food started at an early age but it grew into being the way I tried to gain the love and approval of others.

I came to this conclusion when I was talking about my eating habits with the energy healer I work with, Lisa Thomas, who is also a good friend.

In our last call, she said to me, Sharri, food is your love language. I sunk into my chair with the realization that was one of the truest statements anyone has ever said to me about my relationship with food. Not only did I eat loads of candy as a kid, but I grew up loving to cook.

My grandmother was a fabulous cook and I saw how her meals were long, had several courses, and everyone around the table enjoyed each other. In contrast, my mother hated cooking, probably had an eating disorder and therefore meals were horrid but quick events that usually had one child crying or my father yelling at one kind or another.

My cooking and baking was my way of trying to get both my mother’s and father’s approval and love and at the same time re-create scenes from my grandmother’s table. It didn’t end in childhood. My former husband recently said to me, “Sharri, what I really miss from our marriage is your cooking.” Really? That’s all you miss?

Again, my cooking and entertaining was my way of showing him and everyone in my family how much I loved them and basked in any compliments I could get.

I created food rituals for holidays and birthdays to connect with my step-kids and make us a family. Even my book club friends were invited to my home each month where I tried out recipes and showed them how much I cared about them and appreciated their willingness to reconnect with me. I loved having long dinners with multiple courses long before I fell in love with France.

But somewhere along the way, and maybe all the way back to when I was a child, my love language had gotten unhealthy. I was never overweight until my marriage became so heartbreaking, that I began to lose my sense of self.

It was then that this love language, i.e., food, along with loads of sugar, seeped into the way I gave myself the love I was lacking. Wow, this was a revelation.

Suddenly, the curtains opened, and I saw the reasons behind my dysfunctional relationship with food. No diet plan was going to help me long term.

I recently heard Rachel Cruze, who is a money expert, say that personal finance is 80% behavior and 20% knowledge.

Well, I think the same could be said about our weight and our relationship with food. 80% is emotional habits and 20% is knowing how to eat better.

I find it so interesting that we have many next chapters. Post divorce I had reinvented myself in so many positive ways. My career became a focus, I obtained contracts that made me feel I was achieving a level of success.

I moved back to the city where I felt most at home, and because I love the woman I am in Paris, I chose to rearrange my life and spend six months of each year in Paris. I had grown closer to my children, made wonderful new friends, expanded my world in so many ways.

I learned to live alone, be alone and yet not be lonely.

BUT the one thing I hadn’t been able to step into was a new and better chapter around my relationship with food and ladies, that made me feel like a failure.

So, I share this very vulnerable piece with all of you because it is time that I create THIS new chapter and I hope my story gets you thinking about any really deep next chapters that you need to embrace.

Now, this next chapter doesn’t mean I have to give up cooking because food will always be my language of love. I should have been French or Italian.

But I can choose to learn how to make tasty yet healthier meals that include the many courses I love to provide people when they are around my table.

Today, I am starting this new, next chapter of food in my life. I am ready to end one chapter and start this new chapter. Honestly though, it’s darn scary.

Leaving an old chapter and starting a new, next chapter can feel sad. The old chapter is like a dear old friend, no matter how dysfunctional it has been in your life. It’s familiar and comfortable. I’m sure all this talk of creating new and next chapters has brought up similar feelings for you.

Yet, as scary as it is, what choice do we have? We do have a choice. We can stay on the same path, in the same job, remain in the same bad relationships whether with people or in my case, food. Or we can choose to write a new and empowering, nurture and dare I say loving next chapter.

Not having the courage to begin yet another next chapter leads to nothing but regret. And regrets are like a pill of poison that we add to our vitamin pile every single day and wonder why we don’t feel healthy and aren’t filled with energy. Regrets are energy suckers that want to keep you stuck in the muck.

I’m not going there, and I hope you aren’t either.

So, I’ve shared my big scary next chapter, what’s yours? Go ahead and share in our FB group. Tell us what terrifies you about that new, next chapter. Let’s support each other as each of us embraces our new, next chapters.

Now, I want to thank you for spending your precious time joining me today. There are hundreds of podcasts out there and I am grateful that you chose to be here with me today.

I have an exciting announcement. Sometime in June, I’m bringing my Paris soiree experience to you, by offering you my very first Champagne Soirée!

If you didn’t already know, I regularly attend a soiree put on my Nancy Perdot who owns Salon Septiéme in Paris. I got this crazy idea that because I love my Paris Soirées, why not create my own, just online. I’m planning one per month, when we’ll have the opportunity to discuss a specific topic and connect with each other. I’m going to limit the numbers so connecting is possible. Right now I’m lining up our summer guests with our first Champagne Soiree the end of June. There will be no cost to attend their soriées, I just ask that you invite one other woman to join us. Spread the word!

My goal in offering the Champagne Soirees, the magazine, my coaching programs, and even social media posts is that we continue to build Be the Real You community. It truly is a women’s authenticity movement and today, knowing and showing up as the Real You is so important. This movement might just shift the world and in a good way!

But most important this week, let yourself announce your next chapter. Something energetically changes when we say it out loud and especially when we share it with others.

Take care everyone, and see you soon!

A bientôt.