Podcast Episode 33: There Are No U-Haul’s Behind the Hearse!

Welcome to Episode 33 of the Be the Real You podcast.

I’m Sharri Harmel, Business and Life Coach – and founder and editor of Be the Real You Magazine

This episode is titled Staying Grounded When Going Through Change with a subtitle of There are no U-Haul’s behind the hearse.

As I’ve shared in previous podcasts, I’ve moved back to Boston after three years in Minneapolis. This was a move I’ve wanted to make, so it is a welcome change. I had tears in my eyes when my Uber came out of the tunnel from the airport and drove onto Storrow Drive. I knew in my gut that I was back where I belonged.

And yet, this move has been incredibly disruptive in my sense of being grounded and solidly confident. I’m in a temporary apartment, which is also adding to the instability.

So, lesson #1- even when you want a change, are ready for a change, sure of the change, it will shake your world up as you go through it and possibly even make you question your decision. It’s all normal to be a little shaky when living the new change in your life and even though I keep coaching myself, I feel ungrounded and unsettled.

The result of feeling ungrounded, is a total lack of focus, and even creativity goes out the window. It takes but a nudge of a distracting thought or experience, and I’m off in a direction that has nothing to do with what I want to be doing.

This experience has showed me that even though we desire a certain change in our lives, when in the change, we’re ungrounded, and our minds and even our bodies can go into flight or fight mode. This is what creates our distractibility and a complete lack of creativity. This might be exactly why many of you might retreat from change even when it’s a change you want.

How to cope with these feelings? Get quiet. Help yourself to slow down. If you slow down your body, you’ll then be able to slow down your mind. In last week’s podcast I talked about journaling. That’s a great place to start, but if that doesn’t work, then just sit in quiet. I have had to resort to just a few moments of quiet several times while movers were loading the truck.

When I shut the door on the house, I had put so much love and possibilities into, I started to cry when I handed the real estate agent my key. Then arriving at my short-term rental in Boston, inspecting my new home and imagining my life in that apartment. It all sounds good, and yes, it is all what I needed and wanted to do at this point in my life, but every single step along the way required that I paused, let the change sink in, and ground myself with my faith and hope for the future, this new life once again.

But what about the no u-hauls behind the hearse title? This aspect of change is about our “stuff.” You might be able to relate. I’m a collector of stuff. I love china, beautiful paintings, memorabilia, and books. Oh, the books.

Last Friday, I sort of freaked out when I stood in my new apartment and remembered all those boxes that will be coming from my large home into a much smaller apartment. I was totally confused and wondered what is inside all those boxes? I was feeling very low that night and seriously wondered if I should have stretched myself and purchased a larger apartment. Remember my distractibility comment?

I found myself scrolling on YouTube and a commencement speech given by Denzel Washington popped up. I didn’t pay much attention to what Denzel was saying, until he started to discuss our stuff. He said, quote ….” there is never a U-Haul truck driving behind a hearse. The Egyptian’s tried to take their stuff with them, and we all know how that turned out.”

Wow…. the angels were speaking to me. I had come face to face with all my stuff.

Our stuff though, represents much more than what it literally is. It actually represents both our past and our future. I think that’s why it is so hard to give away our stuff. My high school yearbooks, the tags that came from my children’s hospital bassinettes’ when they were born, the little dress I embroidered for myself when I pregnant with my son. My journals and photos are all my past.

My books are both my past and my present. If I love a book, I can’t give it away. I jump back into the stories when I just look at the book jackets. Then, in the future are all the books that I’m going to read or the books that have ideas of things I want to do or create. The china that I’m saving for the fabulous dinner parties I’m going to have or the too tight pants I can’t wait to wear when I lose weight…. again, my future.

It’s hard to throw away our pasts or our futures, so I seem to be lugging them both around the country with me. But Denzel is right. Lesson #2. None of us can take our stuff with us when our time is up and that was a message I needed to hear. I don’t need a larger apartment; I need to be able to let go of both my past and my so carefully planned out future. The past is gone and as we have all learned during covid, the future isn’t sure no matter how much planning we do.

So, change isn’t one thing. It’s more like the pebble that is thrown into the pond. You decide to toss the pebble, it lands, and there is a series of ripples that are created by the decision to toss that pebble. Change, whether big or small, creates a ripple effect and it is the ripples that makes us feel ungrounded and uneasy.

The new job, starting a business, getting married, getting divorced, having a child, an empty nest, the passing of a loved one…. are all events that create subsequent ripples.

Lesson #3,

It is in the ripples that we need support. I’m incredibly grateful to my very good friends- in Minneapolis, Boston and Paris- who all supported me to make the decision to move back to Boston. But even more important, they continue to support me when I feel a little lost and ungrounded. They understand why I cried when I handed over the keys to my house of beautiful fantasies. Lesson #3 required me to share my feelings and welcome the support my friends continue to give me. This lesson required me to not pretend “I’ve got this.” Not so long ago, the super competent woman I am would have said that and asked for no help. Instead, this time, I reached out and not only asked for help but also welcomed whatever gifts of help my friends gave to me. If you’re like me, that’s really hard to do and yet, we are better women when we accept help than when we armor up, so to speak.

So, in summary … try to be happy with the ripples any change you are making might be bringing into your life.

Get quiet to find or stay connected to your center.
Remind yourself that you can’t take anything with you so simplify and hold onto only the best of your past and future.
And three, know that it takes an exceptionally strong woman to ask for help.

And last….toast every U-Haul truck you see on the road….

Now my FB group is place of community. Women who want to grow their confidence as they choose new paths in their lives. If you yearn for a community of like-minded women to know you are not alone in your journey, join the group. These women might end up being your support group when you feel a little shaky due to the ripples created by your changes.

Another support could be my Be the Real You Magazine.

If you are a woman who is ready to be inspired, self-reflective and likes to laugh a little, just go to my website, SharriHarmel.com and subscribe.

Thank you for sharing your precious time to listen to this podcast. Do subscribe so you get notice of each weekly topic and please leave a review because reviews so matter!

But most important, this week comfort yourself in knowing that every change you make, even if it’s what you’ve always wanted, is going to shake up your world a bit. That’s natural. Use your journal and ask your good friends or the FB group for support. And when you look around at all your stuff- remember there is never a U-Haul behind a hearse.

Be the Real You starting today.

Take good care and see you soon.

A bientôt.