Podcast Episode 18: The Law of Attraction - Is It Real?

Listen to the Episode:

Hi everyone.

Today’s conversation is about the Law of Attraction and what it means when we are trying to reorganize, reinvent or recapture joy into our lives. As you know, my business is all about helping women to step into their real and true selves. Stepping into the Real You requires you make some changes, and the law of attraction will support you in making those changes.

But first….

You have to know what you want! I’m going to connect the Real you to the Law of Attraction because IF what you think you want, isn’t authentic and real to you, it’s not going to happen.

This is where Vision Boards sometimes miss that crucial step- YOU have to know what it is that you really want AND does what you want to align with the real you, the true you for vision boards and the Law of Attraction to work.

An example of when the law of attraction doesn’t work….

As many of you know, at the very end of 2012, my 23-year marriage officially ended.

During the marriage though, I kept looking for a home that would make my husband happy and therefore love me. I kept fantasizing about how great our relationship would be if we just had the right home. I had convinced myself that the perfect home was the answer to my marriage problems. We had SIX homes during our 23 years together! None of them made my husband love me because the home wasn’t the problem!!

Now, you might be thinking that this conclusion is so incredibly obvious BUT, let me ask you, where are you seeking band aids to create the change you want to embrace in your life.

Are you looking for just the right gym or weight loss program to finally get those pounds off?

Are you thinking a little nip and tuck or even bigger, a massive overhaul will make you look young enough to attract the right man?

Is owning the right purse or shoes or outfit going to give you the confidence you are lacking?

All of these are band aids….and unfortunately, you won’t get what it is you really seek if you pursue any of them. Why? Because you are really wanting good health, a wonderful love and self-confidence. This is why vision boards, which are based on the Law of Attraction, often don’t work!

So, your first task is to figure out what it is you want. Not the stuff, not the place, not the image- but what you really, really want.

Some examples….

A loving partner relationship
A few good friends who are your peeps.
to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin just as you are TODAY
Time to focus on your purpose in this world

Two years ago, I moved to Minneapolis for a pre-planned short stint. My intention and first want – was to support my daughter through some very difficult times and to grow closer to my son and his children. This was my core want.

But also, I hadn’t lived in Minneapolis for almost 15 years, so I had few connections. I knew I wanted to find some good women friends to have that connection I was seeking. Plus, I love to entertain and wanted to find some ways to do that.

First, I connected to what I wanted, and what followed was the idea to start and host a book club for several of my closest college friends. Now it had a shaky start. In the beginning, conversation pretty much stuck to the book.

But what was so interesting was that there was a tipping point when we began to talk and support each other through our challenges and trials. This is the connection I wanted in my life. We connected through a recovery from a divorce, the death of a parent, getting laid off of a job, etc. PLUS, remember I said I loved to entertain?

I got to try out crazy recipes and theme dinners on my book club ladies.

The point is that this worked because focused on what I wanted first: connection with like-minded women and an opportunity to do what I love, which is cooking and entertaining.

The idea of the Book Club came AFTER I identified what it was that I really wanted.

So, imagine the feelings you want to feel. Your feelings will tell you want you really want.

If you are seeking weight loss program to be THE answer to losing the weight and having a different life, go deeper. My guess is that you want to lose weight so that you feel self-confident in your own skin.

What if you focus on feeling self-confident and comfortable in your own skin starting today? How will that change the way you look at food, the habits you have around food and exercise, the clothes you choose, how you take care with your makeup.

I hope you can now see how making the feeling you want the focus rather than the band aide or magic pill, is what really makes the Law of Attraction work.

Now…. After you’ve got a list of the feelings you want to have, create that vision board.

But what’s next to make the Law of Attraction really work?

Your Mindset.

Your mindset is how you think about yourself, how you think about the people around you and how you see the world.

Ladies, it is our mindset that will mess us up every single time.

Again, we can create vision boards. Let’s say you now have an authentic vision board which clearly communicates the feelings you want to have….

But, if you don’t work on your mindset, that vision board will just end up being a pretty work of art.

Let’s start with how you think about yourself.

First, you and you alone are in charge of your thoughts. It’s like you’re the programmer of your brain! You input how you want your brain to think, what you want it to think about, and it just keeps putting out exactly what you tell it to think.

Imagine if google only had a few search words….and none of them were positive. That’s what is often happening in your mind, and yet, you wonder why you can’t have joie de vivre in your life! I know because honestly, I have to watch this myself, all the time!

The way to interrupt the thought patterns and habits you’ve programmed yourself to think about is to first, observe the thoughts you are regularly thinking. Then have a constant alternative positive thought to replace it.

Another way to look at this …. Pretend your mind is a television, and you have the remote control. I actually created this crazy system as a child. If scary things came into my mind back then (and I lived in an anger-filled home), I would pretend my thoughts were like different television shows, and when I blinked my eyes, I changed the channel.

Try it! If a negative thought comes in, blink your eyes and change the channel. Your alternative channels are those positive affirmations you’ll create.

Let’s now create those positive affirmations.

Last week in the episode titled Recapture Your Joie de Vive, I talked about a process of creating positive affirmations. If you didn’t have the time to listen, go back to podcast Episode 17 to hear more about how to create those positive affirmations you need to change the channel.

But let’s go through it briefly now.

You’ll need your journal….

On one page, make a list of those negative thoughts you have about yourself. Don’t try to go deep. Just jot down those negative thoughts that often come up for you.

Then on a different section in your journal, make a list of every positive accomplishment you’ve ever achieved, every obstacle you’ve overcome.

Obstacles you overcame could be…. I made it through a horrendous divorce, the sickness of my child, the loss of a job, the abandonment of someone I love, my child’s learning issues, a bad financial decision, etc.

Now on that same page, write out every complimentary piece of feedback you’ve ever received.

Feedback examples might be… you’re the best business advisor, you’re a wonderful friend, you’re such a good thinker, your art is beautiful, you’re a team player, etc.

All good stuff!

Now ask yourself what character qualities must you absolutely possess to have gotten through those hard times?

Grit, ability to forgive, able to see the future, resilience, positivity, empathy, resourcefulness…. or the biggy… comfortable asking for help whether of a higher power or another human?

Look at those pages filled with comments and descriptions and ladies, that is YOU! The unique and amazing you!

Now breathe in all those accomplishments, achievements and positive feedback as well as the character qualities you’ve identified and go back to your list of negative thoughts.

Create positive affirmations to counter each of them when they come up. Write them in your journal.

So, if one of your negatives is “I’m terrible with money.”

Your positive affirmation might be “I’m resourceful, I’ve set up a money tracking system that works.”

Do that for all those negative thoughts that continually come into your mind and you’ll be ready and able to change the channel when anything negative OR even scary thoughts arrive!

Make a game of it and pretty soon, you’ll have reprogrammed your thinking.

You want your mind to have only good and supportive channels.

Put those positive affirmations everywhere! On your phone, in your car, on the bathroom mirror. Something very fun to do is to say your positive affirmations out loud WHILE you look in the mirror!

One of these affirmations will start to show up as your go-to whenever a negative thought enters your mind.

Mine, is one I learned from Lisa Thomas, a wonderful energy-healer. It is…

“Cancel, cancel, only love is spoken here.”

Whenever a negative comes up, I say it.

Okay, now you’ve got your affirmations, you might be wondering how does the Law of Attraction really work?

There is something in our brains called the Reticular Activating System, RAS for short.

It’s a bundle of nerves at the base of your brainstem, and it filters all the data coming into our brains- the colors, tastes, sounds and images. RAS basically lets in what we’ve told it is important.

And who tells it what’s important? YOU!

A simple example of how this works is let’s say you are thinking about purchasing a car. You’ve decided you like the Honda Pilot. Suddenly, you’ll see Honda Pilot’s everywhere.

You told your RAS that you’re thinking of purchasing a Honda Pilot, and it goes out and shows you every Honda Pilot on the road! You tell your RAS what is important to you and it pays attention.

So how does the Reticular Activating System work in the case of negative thoughts?

Take one you regularly say to yourself…. here’s one of my old ones.

“I can’t lose weight; I’ll always be a fat girl.”

Your RAS system says- this is important, and I need to show you proof that what you are thinking is true!

Now walking into the grocery story, you’ll see candy…. you’ll wander down the chips aisle and convince yourself a bag or two won’t hurt…. you’ll find yourself wanting to munch on snacks all day long and you’ll be hungry, all the time.

In contrast…. What if you tell your RAS that” I’m a healthy eater and I rarely snack?” Now when you enter the grocery store, front and center will be all the beautiful veggies and fruits. You’ll be seeing Kris Carr’s cookbook. You’ll notice that if you do want to snack, you’re craving an apple or a piece of cheese. And you won’t be so incredibly hungry.

YOU control what your RAS focuses on. Isn’t that cool? You’re the CEO of your mind! You decide what you focus on, what you think about, how you look at the world, what you obsess about, and more!

That my dear ladies is how the Law of Attraction can really work in your life!

Figure out what you really want. Have positive affirmations in your thoughts all the time and program your RAS to support your positive affirmations.

If you want to dive a little deeper into the topic of how to make the law of attraction work for you, I’ve got my brand new three-week mini course titled Recapture Your Joie de Vivre coming out on the 16^th of February. It’s a few days after Valentine’s Day so what a wonderful Valentine’s Day gift to give yourself! That is truly Loving the Real You!

AND …. because 2020 was a tough year for many people, I’m offering the course at a huge discount.

Go to my website sharriharmel.com and sign up! I’d love to have you join me as we step into the Real You and make 2021 our best year ever.

As always, thank you for listening and being on this journey with me. If you liked this podcast please write me a review. Reviews do matter!