Podcast Episode 12: Connections Are THE best fitness trackers!

Listen to the Episode:

You might be wondering how a fitness tracker relates to embracing the REAL you or creating your Life Reimagined.

Aren’t fitness trackers just about counting your steps and the total number of calories you’ve burned?

Well, let me begin by saying there are all kinds of fitness. Fitness of the mind is called Mindset. Fitness of your business is called profitability. Fitness of the emotional self is truly the barometer of whether or not you have connected with the Real YOU!

But what got me started on this topic is that I just finished a book titled Growing Young. How Friendship, Kindness and Optimism can help you live to 100…by Marta Zaraska.

Marta’s book is primarily focused on our health, and the health of our loved ones. The message from her book was how connections with people and our own mindset significantly impacts how long we will live. Even beyond genetics.

She even mentioned that she wished she had been more focused on her children’s people connections and personality qualities when they were young, rather than what foods they were eating.

We’re going to take a little pivot though, in this conversation.

What if fitness trackers actually tracked people connections we were making in our lives? If you got those numbers throughout the day, would any of your behaviors changed?

We’ve learned (especially during COVID) that isolation can cause depression and even death, but what about the longevity of a business you want to start? Or the dreams you hold tightly to your chest? Or even that life you want to live at some point?

What happens to them when you keep them isolated and share them with no one?

Well, if our dreams are at all like our own physical health, the likelihood that they will prematurely die goes significantly up if we keep them in isolation.

But what connections really matter? Most of you are a part of families or have a loving partner, so you may ask, isn’t that all the connections we need?

Well, forgive my bluntness, but no.

First let’s talk about families….

Marriages can end through the death of a spouse or a divorce. Plus, our partners are not supposed to be our everything…those two circles of you and your partner are supposed to intersect NOT be super imposed on each other. It can complicate our most intimate relationship if we have the expectation that they not only be our lover and best friend but also our therapist, our coach, and our spiritual leader and everything else.

And then there are children.

Children, no matter what their ages, view you as their mother. Therefore, they view your mother role as the person to support and take care of their needs. Most children, regardless of their age, never view it as their job to help you find the REAL you…. I hope you are laughing.

Plus, our children have their own lives to live and often their own children to raise.

Siblings- again we all wear certain hats in our families and unless you come from a super loving and supportive family, and even then, families are a system, and you play a role in that system. Stepping out of a role in any system can freak out the group.

Therefore, my suggestion to you is to find and create different kinds of connections outside of your family.

When I first attempted to do this following my divorce, I did it very badly, and I’ll explain why.

I have this phrase that I once heard from someone…. people are either deep sea divers or water skiers. Just to explain, deep sea divers love deeply connected relationships. They usually don’t have many, but they go deep and cherish the ones they have. Water-skiers are up on the surface. They might share some deeper realities of themselves, but they typically favor more surface relationships with the majority of people in their lives. I’m a deep-sea diver and I had the judgment that I didn’t need water skiers.

When I began working in higher education, I expected my colleagues to be honest, non-competitive, supportive, appreciative of differences, etc. because that was how they talked. I was looking for good friends and deep-sea divers. Probably sounds ridiculous to you but because I hadn’t been part of a work system for a while, I transferred my personal need for friendships to the workplace and I was deeply disappointed.

Work relationships rarely go deep and especially if you are in a leadership role, your work relationships will mostly likely all be water skiers. Does that mean we don’t need them? Absolutely not.

We need both water skiers and deep-sea divers in our lives.

As an example, this past week I received a client referral from someone I met several years ago through my co- active coaching training. Now I didn’t know Ravya beyond the coaching training, but the reconnection and referral were greatly welcomed. The week before, I received a podcast invitation from a fellow coach I had met over ten years ago at Debbie Ford’s training!

Both were water skier type relationships that I really only knew in a certain context. But frankly it didn’t matter because their recent reconnections and faith in me felt so good!

So, what I want you to embrace, is that connections of any kind, will bolster your spirit, and very possibly support your dreams.

So back to Connections being THE best fitness trackers.

According to the author of the book I mentioned earlier, Growing Young, connections with others lowers your mortality risk by 45%. Now, that’s a statistic I like.

Loneliness (or isolation) on the other hand increases your mortality risk by 26%.

So, to avoid the premature death of your dreams and life reimagined, promise me there will be no more hiding your gifts in the little rooms inside yourself. Instead, you’re going to stretch yourself to reach out and make connections to optimize your dream fitness tracker.

What if making connections actually increased the likelihood of your dreams happening by 46%! Wow! I love that thought!!

But how do we create positive connections?

I say positive because we all know “negative nellies” and those are connections that don’t serve us. Remember, negativity is catchy, just like yawning.

Good moods and laughter are also catchy, so why not catch the good stuff?

Think about growing the number of possible water skiers in your life…. all those people that inspire you or that you enjoy being around. This is why volunteerism is so beneficial. Are there people you know that you’d like to learn more about? Are there groups you might want to explore? Gardening groups, birder groups, church or temple groups, university club groups…. remember, you are just expanding your connections. You are not necessarily looking for best friends or deep-sea divers. You are building your network (in the old days we called it your rolledex). Think of different ways to meet people, different purposes and contexts for each group.

Here’s my list….

I’ve got loads of people I’ve met through my coaching trainings, but I also created a monthly book club for seven of my college sorority sisters as a way to stay connected. Then there is a different group of people I’ve met through my church leadership and learning groups as well as neighbors who I’ve stayed in touch with through the years. None of these groups intersect.

Because I have lived in many different cities, I’ve had to do this many times. But if you’ve stayed in one place for most of your adult life, I encourage you to push yourself to expand your network and build connections beyond your current groups.

Then there is your team.

These most likely will be your deep-sea divers…. even though many of them are topic specific.

Today, I’m going to talk about only one of them and I’m starting with getting an accountability coach. I believe this #1 person or connection we all need in our lives. This is the person you share your progress and roadblocks with to figure out what you are doing that is working and what isn’t.

The best thing I ever did was hire Debbie my accountability coach. I would never have accomplished what I have if I didn’t take that step. Honestly, if there is no one to hold us accountable on doing what we say we are going to do, it is natural to start to let things slide. So, don’t be too hard on yourself if you’ve been trying to do this alone.

Accountability doesn’t have to be focused on just business goals, though it might be something like who do you have to be to step into a bigger you at work. It could also be something like putting together the cookbook of family recipes you’ve dreamed of creating. Or that you want to write or even exercise more regularly.

I invite all of you to make one of your goals to expand your network of people and build those much-needed connections.

Whatever it is, if you have a coach who helps you set 30 days goals, then checking in week by week, I promise you your life will change.

After finding an accountability coach or partner, find or build a group of like-minded women. Small groups create the ultimate connections. We need the support and feedback to refuel, and that happens best in small groups. Creating change alone is almost impossible.

This is exactly why my new course Mindset to Joie de Vivre has a weekly group coaching call built into it.

Now I am part of an online mastermind group as well as in the process of creating an in-person group in Paris.

You might be questioning whether you all need to be pursuing the same goal? Actually no.

It’s better if you all aren’t on the same path or even at the same stage of life.

In fact, it’s better when there are differences and diversity.

In our Joie de Vivre course, the women in the group will have a wide range of goals and even mindset types

But why are groups so important? Something special happens in groups. I’ve seen it over and over. You’ll inspire each other, get feedback, and feel heard when you share some of the same challenges others are experiencing, and you’ll get ideas you never would have thought of working alone. In groups, you’ll laugh, and you might even cry!

It is all good because those are the connections that extend not only our personal longevity but also the longevity of our dreams!

So, to recap today’s podcast, build those connections as though your fitness tracker was monitoring your progress every day.

Look for ways to build both water skier connections and those deep sea diver connections.

Connections extend the longevity of our lives as well as our dreams.

Let’s connect. You can start by joining my FB group, where there are sure to be like minded women such as yourself and subscribe to this podcast on my website.

Take good care.

À bientôt!