Podcast Episode #118: A Different Version of Family this Holiday Season
Some of us do not live near our families. Maybe we have moved or even experienced a big change in our family structure this year. If you have grown children, it might be the year they spend time with their partner’s family. If you’ve experienced a divorce or the passing of your partner, suddenly your version of family has changed. All of those life changes can be hard on any day, but the holidays make them especially difficult. In this episode, Sharri shares ways you can make the most of the holiday season no matter what your situation is.
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Podcast Episode #118: A Different Version of Family this Holiday Season
Some of us do not live near our families. Maybe we have moved or even experienced a big change in our family structure this year.
If you have grown children, it might be the year they spend time with their partner’s family. If you’ve experienced a divorce or the passing of your partner, suddenly your version of family has changed. All of those life changes can be hard on any day, but the holidays make them especially difficult.
Now some of you might have chosen to put off thinking about the holidays and yet, in your quiet moments you’re wondering how you are going to get through the day. That’s what we’re going to talk about today.
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As someone who spent decades of holidays with tables filled with family and a kitchen full of homemade goodies …. after my divorce, I suddenly faced spending my Christmas holiday alone. I was completely clueless how I was going to get through that first holiday, let alone think this might be my new normal, but little by little, I have learned to embrace new ways of celebrating holidays and that’s what we’ll be talking about today.
Tis the season, right? Music, decorations, shopping, gifting, parties, and meals are all shown with people celebrating with others. You’ll never see a person celebrating a holiday alone and rarely even a couple, so if that’s you, it’s no wonder you feel left out. It’s easy to think we’re the only one in the world who might be spending the holidays alone or with a very different family combination from the norm.
I’ll start with what NOT to do…My first year alone, I scheduled dinner at a hotel. (Hotels are great by the way, because you usually won’t feel as bizarre that you are alone as you would in a notable restaurant.) Well, I had the reservation, so I put on makeup, and dressed up to make a valiant effort, but honestly, I only held it together long enough for the dinner. I left the hotel restaurant in a rush and cried my entire walk home. Once home, I ripped off that pretty outfit, put on pj’s and wrapped myself up in a big blanket. For the rest of the evening and all of Christmas Day, I sat on the sofa and binge watched Downton Abbey between my tears.
Now that my friends are how NOT to do a holiday when your life situation has changed.
The next year, sure it was just a scenery problem, I spent Christmas in Paris. You’d think that would have made it all better, but I had more to learn.
First- Choose to make where you spend your holidays festive.
If you’re home, decorate. I have learned that not decorating, pretending it no longer matters in your small home or a home that this year will not be filled with family, is actually you just being mean to yourself. Don’t you deserve decorations? A home that looks, feels, and smells festive. Of course, you do! Value your feelings and decorate.
Buy a real wreath that has the fabulous scent of the season and hang it in your home or like me, put it in the center of the dining table and a little lighted tree in the center. So pretty! Every time I look at it, it puts me in the holiday spirit and that makes me smile. Even in Paris, I always purchase a small tree and I have a drawer filled with decorations I’ll pull out- like those little Provençal figures I keep collecting. You and you alone decide how many decorations feel festive but go for it. Part of life is learning how to take care of yourself, right?
If you opt for a hotel, as I did in Paris before I purchased my apartment, stay in a pretty hotel, preferably one that has a little bar. An Airbnb will not be decorated, and you’ll be alone. Paris empties out on Christmas Eve and stays quiet for several days. All the Parisians head to the family homes in the country and if you’re not prepared, you’ll feel like you’re in the middle of a dystopian novel. Not good!
In a hotel, you’ve got the staff and if you choose one with a little bar, you’ll feel a part of a community and community is the best substitute for family. I like to get a cup of tea or a glass of champagne and sit with my journal or a good book and observe the community around me. Very fun.
Next plan out your meals just as you would if you were entertaining a group
I’ve learned to actually plan out what I’m going to cook for myself, never forget the pre-dinner champagne or the coffee with dessert for later in the evening. You are a special guest!
I have my beautiful tablecloth and napkins, China, crystal, and silverware and of course candles.
Make it special. You are the special guest. Simple can still be beautiful.
Plan out your entertainment
Are there special music presentations on television Christmas Eve or Day? There is usually a symphony somewhere that is an option.
Are there any plays or musicals happening in your town or city around the holidays? I just booked a ticket to the musical Six on December 23. The ballet Swan Lake is always a beautiful open. It’s those little things you’ll do that keep the holiday feeling special, but you have to plan now.
While I’m cooking or during dinner…I love Johnny Mathis’ Sending You a little Christmas or Michael Bublé’s Christmas album. Happy music that makes my little apartment feel like a film set. What is sure to make us happy? Flowers and music…. fill your senses with beauty.
Speaking of movies, I always have a movie list to pick from if I’m craving a film. The Holiday- Oh the gorgeous houses, Love Actually with Hugh Grant dancing as the British prime minister, Desk Set with Katherine Hepburn’s amazing clothing style, Miracle on 34th Street, Anne of Green Gables…are all on my list. What’s on yours?
Next, Create a new tradition
I live in the Seaport area of Boston and this year I’m planning on an early Harbor Walk with a Chai Tea. I can’t wait. In Paris, I live near the Musée d’Orsay, so I went for a walk in the Tuileries. Maybe for you, it’s serving dinner at a homeless shelter. Whatever is your fancy, create a tradition just for you and honor its year after year.
Last Find or Make a community
What if you hosted a little neighborhood gathering…. cookies, champagne, just a casual drop by between two hours to get to know everyone. Sometimes we have to choose to not wait to be invited somewhere but create our own event. If you are afraid no one would show up to the open house idea, make it a cookie exchange and you’ll have a crowd outside your door.
Send out Christmas Cards- old fashioned but who doesn’t enjoy getting a card in the mail? Plus you’ll naturally feel connected to friends and family when you write notes inside those cards.
I purchased a very pretty one from Dogwood Hill after seeing their samples in Victoria magazine. I personalized the cards even though I no longer have the family Christmas photos done. Why not?
So that’s my list.
Because holidays bring up all sorts of feelings and loads of memories- they can be unsettling as life changes. Watching how your children do the holidays will be very different than how you celebrated them, and sometimes that can make us sad.
So try out a few of my ideas but share your own. I bet you are doing something I haven’t even thought of, so please do share. That’s what we do in the EW private Facebook group. We’ve been having conversations like this all month.
We’ve all learned that embracing our flexibility and adaptability is the key to having a happy life, but we need support as life shifts and changes.
Ladies, the Extraordinary Women Podcast AND Magazine are all about supporting extraordinary women like you, design, create and live a fabulous next chapter.
We are a new generation of women who are not going to quietly fade into our next chapters, but intentionally move forward.
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Thank you for joining us today….and look forward to our next Extraordinary Women Podcast.
Merry Christmas
Joyeux Noël
Happy Hanukkah
And wishing you a meaningful Kwanzaa.
Cherish the old memories but continue to create new, beautiful, and happy memories.
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