Trust is an important topic because it impacts every single relationship we have in our lives… from the Uber driver, who we trust will take us to where we requested to go… to our best friends or partners, who we trust with our secrets, our sadness’s and our joys.
Yet, the most important person in your life that you need to trust is YOURSELF.
I’m Sharri Harmel, Chief Creative of the Extraordinary Women Circle and Community, as well as Editor-in-Chief of the Extraordinary Women Magazine.
I’ve been a coach for over 20 years and my dream is to create an even bigger platform so that all women can envision and then step into THEIR big dreams.
Our sole focus in the EW Circle and Community is to support woman like you to ignite their dreams! And we do that inside the EW Circle, which includes the EW magazine, regular live conversations, and workshops, like our upcoming Extraordinary Dream Academy. I want to help you to love the life or build the business you want.
Thank you for joining me and let’s get started!!
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Episode 76: Trust Yourself! You’ve Got This!
I haven’t always trusted myself… and when I questioned whether my lack of self-trust aligned with some of the most difficult times in my life- there is most definitely a correlation. When my self-trust was lacking… seriously minimized… those were often the biggest and most painful times in my life.
So, I ask you….
Can you trust yourself and still struggle with your self-confidence?
Can you trust yourself and still seek the approval of others?
There is no perfect answer… some days we feel confident and others we wake up questioning everything but most of the time, your self-trust is directly correlated to how confident you feel and how often you seek the approval of others.
What about you? Not just in your past but how about now?
A really good clue to how much you trust yourself is to check on how often you find yourself asking others what they think you should do.
People who are continually looking for feedback on a path, often do so because they don’t have the deep trust, they need to design their own lives… or make decisions about their lives. If you find yourself looking for feedback, stop for a bit and ask yourself what you are really looking for… and why?
So many of us, make decisions in our lives based on what others around us think or approved of. It might be our family, but it can also be the larger community you are a part of… and there is a LOT of pressure to not be different… not to go a different path than the status quo.
As women we tend to seek cohesive, harmonious relationships in our personal and professional lives.
As a coach, I’ve worked with corporate women who continually deplete their own energy in their attempt to improve a working relationship with a colleague or boss rather than quit or accept that it is strictly a working relationship that needs to only be “managed” instead of always smoothly operating. Why? As women we tend to seek cohesive, harmonious relationships in our personal and professional lives. Plus, I’ve learned that corporate women often don’t want to be perceived as difficult to work with or not collaborative in some way. So, they use up their own energy to try to fix the unfixable.
I’ve also worked with university students who were at the end of very prestigious academic programs and ready to look for jobs in career paths that they really disliked but pursued because they believed it would make their parents happy. Suddenly at the end of their academic careers, they asked the question, what would I love to do, to study.
I’ve had friends who stayed in relationships long after the expiration date because they didn’t want to be divorced… let’s face it being divorced is a category very few of us want to check off as their marital status on any forms. Any why is that a separate category? Don’t get me started… back to our self-trust…
Self-trust is based on how well you know yourself
At times, we all look to others to help us figure out what next… but when I find it happening, I too have to check in with myself. It usually means I’m not connecting to my own self-trust, that I haven’t spent the quiet time needed to see how aligned potential decisions are the real me and what is truly important to me.
So, self-trust is also based on how well you know yourself. So, I ask you, How well do you know and like the woman you are today? Because to have self-trust, you have to know yourself.
Self-trust IS directly related to your self-understanding, your self-awareness – how much you know who you are and what is important to you. It can be as simple as you telling me, in 3 sentences or less… who you are and what you value.
Using myself as an example… I’d say… I’m a woman of a certain age, who loves to travel, read, eat exceptionally good food, cook, and discuss ideas- even controversial ideas. I value love, honesty, depth, and curiosity in every significant relationship in my life. (That includes family, friends, and significant others by the way.)
Now it’s your turn. Can you come up with a 3-sentence description of yourself? It should be easy but if it’s not, make a list of what you like and what you value and then circle the descriptors that you feel most connected to… in your gut, not what you think will be most impressive to others but what clearly defines you.
Embrace what you are really all about
Rather interesting, isn’t it? When you only have three sentences, suddenly it’s very easy to embrace what you are really all about, the woman you really are. Trust your 3 sentences!
Why do this exercise? Because self-trust isn’t a given, it has to be worked on, nurtured and protected- because it is the very special part of you… your essence.
I know that if I had trusted my own abilities and strength, I would have carved out time in my life when I was a mother and wife, to pursue my desire to write or I would have returned to a fulltime position in work I enjoyed. Both would have certainly changed my relationship with my husband, my parents, my children and probably all for the better, but I listened to everyone around me and did what they expected.
Which brings me to another benefit of trusting yourself… having self-trust automatically builds self-confidence.
An interesting idea, isn’t it? Is it a surprise to you that trusting ourselves is at the core of our self-confidence? Yet when we think about it, it makes perfect sense. If we know ourselves and sure that we can do something, step into our best selves, of course we’ll feel more self-confident.
This is why affirmations are all about is ourselves right? I am strong, I am worthy, I am capable… we don’t create affirmations that about what other people need to do or embrace.
There is a phrase I hear so many women often say…. It’s “I’ve got this…” How many of us have said that to someone or heard someone say it… and 99% of the time, the phrase.. I’ve got this, is almost always referring to a problem you or they will solve for someone else.
But what if we change that up. What is you looked in the mirror every morning and said out loud…this is what I want for my life and close with a “You’ve got this!” Give yourself that voice of encouragement and confidence.
Trust is built by actions … your actions!
Next, remember, trust is built by actions. Just like when you meet someone new, their actions over a period of time will determine whether or not you trust they do, what they say, and how you will interact with them. Same for yourself!
You have to take actions to build your own self-trust. That means you need to diligently take actions on a regular basis that supports who you are (those 3 sentences), what you want and how deeply you will believe in yourself as you move forward on your dreams and plans.
I was recently at a lovely dinner with my college sorority good friends. They were all talking about when they were planning to retire from their corporate jobs. No one noticed that I was only asking questions of others and not sharing my own choices. On my walk back to the little apartment I had rented, I thought how different my chosen path was from my dear friends, and how the old Sharri would have questioned my choices. What made me smile though, was that the new Sharri said to myself, I love what I am doing… building the magazine has given me the opportunity to meet so many extraordinary women who are doing really amazing things… I love my choices and decisions… the next day, I wrote up the outline to this podcast.
So walk your talk, and take actions to solidify your dreams… because it is through your actions that you build rock solid trust in yourself.
And what about failure?
Well, growing your self-trust will also minimize any fears you have of failure. Recently, I was talking with a friend, Valerie, who I’ll be interviewing for the podcast in a couple of weeks. Valerie has been a lifelong entrepreneur… I asked her what she thinks about failure, and whether she was ever afraid she’d fail. She actually had to take a few minutes to think before she responded… and then said, I never think about failure or that anything is failure. When I asked, “But what does that mean? How do you feel when a business deal doesn’t work out?” Her response? Val said she always looks for the opportunity in situations that don’t work out… what new direction could she go, what else is out there… never does she even think about failure. That was powerful! Valerie has rock solid self-trust in her own abilities, skills and wants- and therefore, as a consequence, her fear of failure is pretty much non-existent.
You’ve got to love that story as much as I do… so try it on. And as you expand your self-trust, begin to observe how little power the word “failure” has over you.
So, create your 3-sentence description of yourself. Then, as decisions, choices or directions come up in your life, first take the time to check in what feels best to you, given what you know you want in your life and who you truly are. And always, take action.
I predict that you’ll find a sense of comfort and calmness, as your own self-trust becomes the compass that guides you forward on your dreams.
Thank you for joining me today. If you liked our conversation, please give me a review and do come back for more!
We just finished the 3 weeks to Dream Readiness Workshop that I offer two times a year for our FB group and EW circle.
If you have yet to sign up for the Extraordinary Women magazine, go to extraordinarywomenmagazine.com and join us.
It’s much more than a magazine, which is why we call it the EW circle. With a magazine subscription, you get the opportunity to participate in workshops, conversations and special benefits that are all about supporting you to create a life you love… the life you want in your dreams. But ladies, it’s time to make your dreams come true. No more just writing and planning… and the EW circle is about helping you to make your dreams actually happen!
The Extraordinary Women magazine is always where we always highlight two inspiring women who have stepped into their dreams in a big way. There are several additional sections and we have just started a new section called subscriber spotlight, where one magazine subscriber gets to promote her business and share a bit about herself and her big dream. How cool is that??!!
Go to extraordinarywomenmagazine.com and subscribe.
Now, there is a lot of dream talk, but what makes me and the EW Circle different is I’ve been a coach – a real coach for over 20 years and ALL that experience helps me to create what you want and need.
In April, I’ll be launching our brand new Extraordinary Women Dream Academy. It’s 7 weeks long and from start to finish, you’ll gain the clarity you need to move forward, take those steps AND launch that dream.
EW magazine subscribers will get the first spots in the Extraordinary Women Dream Academy. I’m keeping it very small so that you get the attention and have the accountability you need to make your dreams happen.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve joined all sorts of programs over the years where I was one of many and I hid out in the masses and accomplished nothing. That’s why this is a small group… I did not design the Extraordinary Women Dream Academy with scaling in mind- that increases profits, but it doesn’t work for the majority of participants.
I designed the Extraordinary Women Dream Academy to support you to get what you need to create the life and business you want.
Go to Extraordinary Women Magazine.com and join us by clicking the subscribe button. It’s only $29.99 AND message me and let me know you are considering the Extraordinary Women Dream Academy.
Thank you for your precious time today and given I am now back in Boston; I’ll say See you soon!
And to my friends in Paris, a bientôt.
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