Podcast Episode 51: Is Balance Even Possible? - Extraordinary Women Magazine

Welcome to Episode 51- I’m Sharri Harmel, Editor and Chief Creative of Extraordinary Women Magazine and Podcast.

I began working on this episode with the question so many of my clients have asked over the years…. How can we attain balance in our lives? But I’m going to suggest an even bigger question…. Is balance even possible?

Let’s Imagine a ballerina. En pointe is the classic ballet position when the ballerina is up on her toe shoes. She appears weightless, floating and perfectly balanced, yet if you had the ability to zoom in and take a closer look at her feet, and every ballerina will tell you this, her toe shoes are actually vibrating, as she makes tiny, tiny adjustments second by second to maintain her balance.

So that tells us – that what appears to be perfect balance, actually requires continual adjustments.

Well, I believe it’s the same for your life. I don’t think there is perfect balance.

So many of you talk about wanting to find balance and often even beat yourself up when you can’t seem to get it.

Yet, if we go back to the ballerina, she must make continual adjustments to stay on her toes.

What about those adjustments? Through her training, she has learned what adjustments she must make to stay on her toes.

And if you think about it deeper, she is prioritizing which adjustment she must make each and every second she’s up on her toes.

But what about you? We all know that we feel incredibly unbalanced when we’re chasing a multitude of projects or people.

Multi-tasking leads us to feeling depleted, drained and completely ungrounded.

What science has learned is that our brains actually can’t focus on multiple things at one time.

So, when we think we are multitasking…. our brain is actually quickly shifting from one thing to focus on and then to another.

Last week I talked about what happens when we do just that. I shared the Russian proverb of how if you chase two rabbits, you’ll catch none.

Yet- many of us are chasing not just two but several rabbits and as you all know, those darn rabbits multiply faster than you can say carrots!

So too can the things you are trying to focus on in your life.

If you’re a mom who works outside the home, you are balancing children along with your work – along with a partner.

Same for stay-at-home moms or empty nesters or even women who have retired.

Over and over, you might talk of trying to recapture a sense of yourself again or pursue the things that you love to do, but there are so many requests on your time that you never get to it.

There are rabbits everywhere!

Or you might set up the scenario I always had in my head, …. I’d always think to myself, once I get this list finished, I’ll get to whatever it is that I’m trying to create just for me.

But the list never was complete.

When I thought of the analogy to a ballet dancer, I found it even more interesting that only the female ballet dancers go up on their toes. I wondered why only the female ballet dancers who must figure out how to balance on the tips of their toes?

Life the ballet dancer, you’re constantly trying to find balance.

There is a solution though, and that is to prioritize what is most important to you….and that often requires- just like the ballerina who makes such tiny changes it’s hardly visible, you have to continually make changes and adjustments to stay on track with whatever it is that you want.

A big part of your prioritizations though is to understand that each week is different, each month is different. You can’t say every Wednesday morning from 7-8, you’ll write or get on the bike. What you prioritize can and will change throughout the next 90 days.

So, create a big 90-day calendar and start by laying out all your commitments, holidays, events that are unchangeable. Then make your plan adjustments as needed.

Schools are starting in the US and France, that can mean it’ll take a few weeks before everyone is comfortable with the new routines. Well, schedule in time to adjust.

If you are traveling, put in the recovery time you’ll need, especially if you are moving to another time zone.

If you have certain obligations at certain times of the year when you know it’ll be nuts, like the holidays.

Include those times in your schedule not just the event but the preparation and recovery.

You know when you might have to return to the office. Don’t begin an exercise program that same week. That’s a prescription for failure. We’re human and we can’t switch roles, time zones, from one commitment to another in anything less than 24 hours.

Be kind to yourself. Work back into your ideal plan gradually so that you are successful.

Now we all have those difficult and stressful times. How do we make them more manageable?

Three things are super important. Good food. Good sleep and a little exercise.

Maybe you have to make a few dinners in advance and put them in the freezer for those evenings when you just don’t have the time to do anything but a drive through. Have apples and peanut butter around for snacks. Drink lots of water.

Prioritize good sleep, I think good sleep is the secret to a happy life.

As for exercise, when you’re in the middle of very stressful times, how about just a walk around the block. It’ll help your brain reset but not wipe you out.

Once you’ve got all those already set commitments on your time added into your calendar….

It’s time to ask where time allocated to my dream?

Maybe you want to prepare for a bike trip around Iceland or start an online shop of some kind. Or you’re going to start a blog or write that memoir you’ve been thinking about for years.

Whatever it is, look at your 90-day calendar, and ladies, schedule in certain progress points.

If it’s a blog, when are you having it named and live?

If it’s a class of some kind that’s going to bring you closer to your dream, put the dates into your calendar. The bike trips. What are your miles ridden check points?

That is the one rabbit you are chasing for yourself. The big dream you want to work on now.

When we feel out of balance, it usually just means we are not spending enough time on the things that really matter to us. So, pay attention to where are you scheduling in time to pursue your own dream.

Now there is another often ignored but very important element of balance and that is focus.

Going back to the ballerina… If the ballerina doesn’t focus 100% on making the tiny adjustments, she needs to make to stay en pointe, she’ll lose her balance.

You are too. When you put the activities that are part of making your dream come true into your calendar, you have to be singularly focused on them. Make them sacred. That’s called time boundaries and it’s also you are taking care of you. That’s no one’s job but yours, so if you aren’t getting to the commitments on your calendar that involve your dreams, take control.

Whether it’s exercise time or writing time or whatever, if it’s on your calendar, honor it. Put a circle around it to symbolize a boundary. Ladies, lets channel the ballerina inside each and every one of us and focus on your one thing.

That focus is what separates those who achieve their dreams from those that talk about their dreams.

What you will end up with is a 90-day calendar that has everything on it. The work or family commitments coming up as well as your commitments to yourself. Share it with your partner, your family, your friends and ask for support.

We all strive to attain balance but what we really want is to focus our time on the things that really and truly matter to us- and let go of everything and everyone that distracts us from the things that are important to us, and never ever forget your one thing, your dream.

Outro:

I hope you can see that accepting that every day, every week and every month is different is self-loving, and then prioritizing and focusing on things that really matter to you, is the answer to getting more balance in your life.

Now if you enjoyed this podcast, then I know you’ll love my magazine.

It’s also called Extraordinary Women.

I named the magazine Extraordinary Women because every issue has interviews with at least two extraordinary women who will probably remind you a little of yourself.

This magazine is a dream supporting, dream inspiring magazine that I know you’ll love. It’s got ideas, recipes, and lifestyle suggestions meant to give you hope and encouragement, which we all need more of today.

We now have two wonderful contributing writers- Michele LeMaitre, who is an incredible artist and she’ll be writing about the life and business of an artist.

And Sara Griot, a lovely stylist who will be giving us all great style suggestions that help us to feel pretty and pulled together regardless of our ages, body types and lifestyles. I don’t know about you, but I want to feel pretty.

Plus, because I live half the year in Paris, there is also a section called my Parisian Attitude. So, if you’re a Francophile, you’ll especially love that section.

Married or solo, kids grown or still at home. Corporate careers, entrepreneurs, a stay-at-home mother or even retired, this magazine is meant to be like your best friend who appreciates you and every other extraordinary woman.

Join us by clicking the subscribe button at sharriharmel.com or check out my Instagram page where I’ll be announcing a special magazine offer very soon! Nothing complicated. Just good stories, a little inspiration, and a cup of hope.

Thank you and

As I often say to my friends in Paris…. A Bientôt!