Podcast Episode 48: Use Comparisons to Fuel Your Dreams!

Welcome to Episode 48. I’m Sharri Harmel, Editor of Real You Magazine and Podcast, as well as coach and creator of courses to help you live your dreams.

Today we are going to talk about comparisons, and how they can be used to help us learn and grow as we navigate this crazy journey, we call life.

I intensely dislike comparisons and yet, I easily fall into comparing myself to others. Does this happen to you? I compare my work, my fitness (and I’m not even on the fit chart) the way I live, the way I invest, the way I think, you name it.

I’d like to blame it on social media, but I don’t think social media is the problem. No matter how hard I try not to, I seem to consistently make comparisons.

But what if comparing has both a light side and a dark side? We often think comparing ourselves to anyone is negative, and yet the super observant child or adult naturally compares….

I’m currently in Paris, and at last week’s Champagne Soirée, we talked about cultural differences and to see those differences, we must compare.

It’s important and interesting to compare cultures, habits, ways of being in different parts of the world and even within neighborhoods.

We all did it as children, that’s how we learned to skip rope, swim, and even be brave! Comparing can broaden the mind, our perspectives and even our imagination.

But the dark side of comparing happens when it knocks us down, makes us feel less than in some way. I had ended those kinds of comparisons on my 2021 resolutions list but given its now August, I know I can do better. I wish I was naturally more centered, more confident, more self-contained but I’m not and maybe no one is. I must work at my mindset every single day and I’m going to guess that you do too!

It is a rare person who is confident and secure ALL the time and darn, mindset is everything.

So, this dark side to comparisons, is when we compare ourselves to others and feel less than or we judge ourselves as lacking or not good enough in some way. Can you relate?

Yet when we step back, we can see that so much of all that negative comparing is perspective. How are we looking at ourselves and who are we comparing ourselves to right?

If you just began running and you compare yourself to someone who does marathons or half-marathons, it will feel like giving up and heading to the sofa.

If you just started a business and you compare yourself to someone who has been up and running for a decade, you’ll feel like your business will never grow, never be what you imagine it’ll be so what’s the point.

If you are redecorating your home and compare yourself to someone who had unlimited funds or those crazy HGTV shows that make it look like you can totally renovate a home in 6 weeks and for very little money, you’ll get overwhelmed and judge yourself a failure.

So, our perspective when making comparisons is key. Here’s a funny little example. Back when I was a career coach at MIT and Northeastern University, I looked at the faces of college students all day. I loved it! Their energy, their willingness to try new things, being open and truly believing they were on their way to having a fabulous life made my work incredibly fun and rewarding.

Then, when I’d have a break and head to the bathroom, I’d see my face in the mirror and was completely shocked by my old face. The tiny lesson in that experience was then being around young people, looking at young faces, made me feel and think young. I believed in my own possibilities. But, when I compared the face, I saw in the mirror to the faces of the students I coached, for a minute or two I subconsciously re-calibrated my way of thinking into a lack of possibilities. Do you see how powerful perspective is?

So, who and what are you surrounding yourself with? For example, if you’re on Instagram and loving all you are seeing, and fueling your own imagination and potential, Instagram is a fabulous tool.

In contrast, if you’re on Instagram and start to feel like you don’t have enough followers or that you are not doing anything right, get off the platform. Those are negative comparisons that don’t fuel you and nourish you in any way.

So, examine when and how you are comparing yourself to others. Comparisons can be good and even motivating, just be aware whether you need a comparison mindset shift.

Yesterday I had a conversation with Sara Griot, stylist extraordinaire, who writes a regular article on style in my Real You Magazine. We were talking about how we just keep making little mistakes- sign up for a worthless program, partner up with a bad choice, make a poor hire…. Yes, we learn from these mistakes, but Sara brilliantly asked when we’d stop the mistake-lesson learned pattern. We both concluded that life is just a big experience of “trials- some mistakes- and lessons learned.” If we don’t try something, we’re stagnant and regardless of our age or life circumstances, stagnation doesn’t make us happy or move any closer to our dreams.

I share my conversation with Sara because I think at the core of comparisons is the desire to finally get it right. We want that affirmation, gosh I’m FINALLY on the right path! I’ve finally figured out this journey of life … and yet, we never get there … and often it is comparisons that often make us acutely aware that we still haven’t figured it all out.

But what if life IS just a long series of lessons big and small? Suddenly comparisons don’t carry loads of negativity. Instead, comparisons become opportunities to explore, research into different ways of day to day living including how we think. Aw…perspective.

So, let’s check in with ourselves when we are comparing.

If it isn’t positive and making you excited to try something new, then stop the comparison.

If the people we are spending our precious time with aren’t motivating and inspiring, find different people to hang out with…

Social media is notorious for people presenting a life that is far from reality.

So, remember to step back and shift why you are comparing and what you can learn from the process.

Pretend you are traveling … and use comparisons to elevate your life, see possibilities which will help make your dreams come true.

Outro:

I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I can’t wait to hear if looking at how you make comparisons changes your mindset and moves you forward on making your dreams happen.

Speaking of dreams, I’m in the process of creating a unique program called The Audacious Dream Life Atelier. In this exciting three-month program, I’ll be launching soon, you’ll pinpoint exactly what it is you want and then set up the structures and support to make the dream happen.

This program will be different from many courses or program you might have previously signed up for. The Audacious Dream Life Atelier will be a very small group of women chosen to work with me, so you have the community and support to help you to launch whatever big and audacious dream you’ve had – maybe for a long time – but haven’t accomplished because you didn’t have the support to make it a reality.

Send me an email or DM me if you think you’d like to be considered and want to hear more.

Atelier is a very common word in French and because I live half-time in Paris, I see ateliers all over. But if you weren’t sure what they are about, they are small, bespoke, craft and art “work” shops … I love that word because we’re going to work on your dreams as though is THE most magical couture dress ever created … your dream is that special and unique.

Also, if you like Real You Women Podcast, please review and rate it, because honestly, the only way I can reach more people via iTunes or Spotify, is if you give me a rating. Plus, I’ll now be posting all my podcasts on YouTube, which is a much easier platform for you to like and subscribe.

And on the topic of digital magazines, don’t forget the Real You magazine. This magazine is a dream supporting, dream inspiring magazine that I know you’ll love. There are sections on style, self-care, and even some products and recipes I love. Also, I always have a section on my life in Paris. In addition, we have interviews with women who are living out their dreams. That’s what this magazine is all about. Go HERE to Subscribe and get onboard right now.

Thank you for sharing your precious time with me today.

And I hope to see you soon!

Bon Journée.