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Welcome Everyone!

I’m Sharri Harmel, Business and Life coach, and creator of Be the Real You Magazine we’re launching on April 1st!  as well as online courses and all things related to being the authentic and real you. 

Ladies, change creates stress and stress triggers what I call our lizard brains.

This is Episode 28:  Which I titled “I feel the earth move under my feet”, but unlike Carole King, I’m not talking about a lover the composer was writing about in her famous song. 

I’m talking about life changes … and specifically how change shakes up your world and feels like the earth is moving under your feet.

But does even good change unground us? YES!  Any change is scary to our lizard brains.

I’m in the process of selling my home in Minneapolis and moving back to Boston.

Now I’ve been wanting this for the past year, and yet, now that it’s happening, I’m feeling a little nuts, completely ungrounded and frankly, it does feel like the earth is moving under my feet.

Early in my career, I was working in CA and experienced an earthquake and when the earth is moving under your feet, your entire body has no idea what to do to keep you safe. This feels a lot like that!

But why do good and positive changes create such unsettled, ungrounded feelings in us?

If we logically know that it’s the right decision, what’s going on?  In my case, moving back to Boston feels like returning to my peeps but I found myself suddenly scared when I signed my name on the purchase agreement. Why? Because suddenly my dream became real.

Ladies, it’s not the ideas or the dreams that scare us … we get nervous when we start to take action towards those dreams.

Here’s a simple example.

You’ve hit the button to join Orange Theory or match.com.  That was easy – no stress.

The anxiety doesn’t kick in until you have to take action…

When you’re in the Orange Theory gym standing in your exercise clothes waiting for the class to start, or at the restaurant, meeting your first match date.

That’s when the earth starts to move under your feet and you have that ungrounded feeling.

So remember, it isn’t your BIG dream that unsettles you, it’s taking actions towards the dream that shakes up your world.  That is why lots of people never make their dreams happen.

I have a process for my clients who are trying to figure out what they want to do next in their careers or life. It might be to stay in corporate or leave. Working through figuring out what business they want to start.

Over and over, I see their nerves, doubts, and fears don’t show up until they actually have to talk to people about their idea- say it, get feedback, explore options by doing something….

Now coaching supports them through this but you too are going to need some support through the process of exploring your dreams or ideas because those nerves, doubts and fears are what will stop you.

Yes, the only response most people have in an earthquake is to stop moving in order to respond to the earth moving under their feet.

But you might still be thinking, I don’t get it … if the change is positive, why do I feel so nervous?

The bottom line is that there is a part of your brain that often fights the logical part. This part of your brain desires sameness and what is familiar, regardless of how disempowering it is.

I call this part of your brain; the lizard brain and it is super powerful.

It is actually so incredibly powerful; it is built to completely overcome logic if you let it.

Our lizard brain prefers that you stay in dysfunctional relationships

It prefers you stay in a job or a career that no longer fulfills you.

And it will even argue with you when you ask for a bigger life.

Your lizard brain wants you to live a small life – because it thinks a small life is safer – and that is the lizard brain’s primarily task.

There is good news though!

Once you know what is actually going on, you can provide the comfort and reassurance that your lizard brain needs, in order to accept that whatever change you want to bring into your life. Your job is to convince your lizard brain, it will be a safe adventure.

That is the primary purpose of affirmations. Saying them does comfort and support your lizard brain. You can actually feel it in your body if you get quiet when you say an affirmation over and over.

And what is so amazing, is that with each change you make, your lizard brain slowly gets comfortable with it and then you can tackle a bigger change. This is why taking action actually builds self-confidence! If a stretch becomes familiar to your lizard brain, it won’t be triggered as you take action.

That said, we always have to work on this, especially as women.

Here I am, a 15+ year coach, life-long creative thinker, quick decision maker and I’m finding my earth moving under my feet when my Minneapolis home actually sells.

My lizard brain immediately started to send me messages of every mistake I’ve ever made in my life – because it got nervous over this move back to Boston.

Ladies we are built different than men and we have to work on building our self-confidence around change by calming our lizard brains throughout our lives.

And this got me thinking. Is a woman’s lizard brain more active and more protective than a man’s?

I’m no scientist, but I’m going to guess that is probably true. The lizard brain (aka limbic system) is the oldest part of the human brain. Thousands of years ago, women lived in groups and had to be much more aware of potential dangers than men. Men had a different role.

So, when I thought through that, it’s no wonder that women are biologically wired to have more sensitive, more concerned lizard brains. Thousands of years ago, whether or not we listened to potential danger, was often the difference between life and death.

We aren’t facing predators every day, but our lizard brains still view change or something new as potential danger. That part of our brain just keeps doing its job even though we have evolved through the centuries!

I’m making some huge generalizations here, but I suspect this is why even very successful women, tell me they struggle with self-confidence.

Self-confidence gets shaky when your lizard brain tries to protect you by reminding you of all the dangers aka- past mistakes. Imposter syndrome lives in this place. Imposter syndrome is nothing more than your lizard brain trying to convince you to step back into the safety and security of the familiar – a life not quite so big.

This is why we as women need to continually reassure ourselves that the new action we are taking, the dream we are pursuing, the business we are starting … are all going to be amazing and regardless of what we learn along the way, we’ll be safe.

And remember, the dream isn’t what freaks out your lizard brain … it’s the actions that move you towards that dream that scares your lizard brain.

So, when you start to take those actions … create support for your lizard brain, or you’ll quit.

Find a couple of cheerleaders who get what it takes to do what you want to do.

Whether you want to turn your art into a business, step into a bigger leadership role in your career, create a career that works with your family goals or get that book ready for publication…. get support.

There is that saying… You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with?

Raise the average by choosing to spend more time with positive people, idea generating people, people who support your dream.

Read books or magazines that inspire you with stories of women taking action.

And write out those affirmations that speak specifically to you and your lizard brain. Then say them out loud over and over.

Soak up encouragement and support – which is what will calm your lizard brain and give you the confidence you need to do whatever it is that you want to do in your life.

Amy Cuddy did a TedTalk years ago that went viral – on the power pose. Try it. It works.

Not only is it a specific pose, but it is wrapped up on one big affirmation that actually calms your fears.  So, check it out and when you take an action step towards your dreams, step into that power pose and notice how your feelings begin to change for the good.

Now in just a couple of days, my new digital magazine Be the Real You is going live!

This magazine is for women who are ready to step into their big dreams

And to do that, you have to be real, be authentic … so you have the BIG life you deserve!

If you’re one of those women who asks how she can step into that life and have the balance to be about to spend time with the people and things you love, this is your magazine.

Articles will range from Interviews with successful women business owners, mindset tips, and

ways to override any self-confidence and self-esteem issues that often get in our way, especially as women. Plus, there will always be a bit of fun, because we all need more fun in our lives.

This has been in the works for a while and I’m so incredibly excited to share it with you!

I call it the women’s authenticity movement, because it is really about you being who you truly are, deciding what it is you really want in this lifetime and then doing it.

Someone asked me if its just for businesswomen … not at all, though creating and running your own business is a focal point.

It’s for ALL women who are ready to be and live as their real, true and authentic selves.

So, subscribe on sharriharmel.com and let me know how you liked the first issue and what you want more of!

Thank you for your precious time today and if you liked this podcast, please subscribe and leave a review.

À bientot

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