Podcast Episode 16: Fabulous YOU Beyond Beliefs

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Time to Begin... Today we are going to talk about our beliefs.

We all carry many beliefs.
Beliefs
…about other people
…opportunities in the world
…our ability to change
…even ourselves! That includes beliefs about our worthiness, our abilities, our strengths…

As humans, we’re pretty opinionated in our beliefs!

What exactly are beliefs?

The dictionary defines a belief as “an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.”

What is interesting for us to think about, is that

the dictionary doesn’t define a belief as a truth.

It says a belief is the acceptance that something is true.

Yet most of us take on a belief as though it really was a truth. We’ll even stand firm that whatever we believe is a fact, and completely and totally the truth!

I have to watch myself, because I do this all the time.

How many times does this happen? You think you know how someone else feels about you or what someone’s motives are, but it is totally based on how you are interpreting what they said or how they acted. Then you carry that belief forward to the point that you are incredibly sure you even know what they are thinking!

Let me give you a silly example. I purchased a home that needed a complete renovation. It was in a historic district, so the beginning moved along very slowly. But once the renovation got underway, I began to get nasty text messages from my neighbor, even though I had sent out nice cards introducing myself and apologizing in advance for the mess of my renovation.

It got so bad that I finally told him to contact the city who approved everything I was doing and to stop harassing me. Two months after my house was complete, the neighbor sued me and the city for not putting a window in the garage wall that faced his yard. Totally stupid and a complete waste of money to defend myself, but I didn’t make it just about this crazy guy and his angry wife, but the entire neighborhood.

This belief started with little thoughts…. sort of like little pebbles. No one is stopping by to say hello. I meet no one on my daily walks. I’m getting weird looks when I ride my bike out of the driveway.

Then, these little thoughts start to grow…. No one is supporting me against this angry man. I feel alone. It’s me against the neighborhood. I’m not liked.

Until suddenly, the pebbles become boulders…. I don’t fit in. I never fit in. Why did I buy this house? What a mistake. Oh my, I’m always making mistakes. I’m an idiot.

It’s a perfect example of how something small happens or a little comment is made, and we build it into a huge conclusion that ultimately becomes our beliefs.

In my mind, I was absolutely convinced that my beliefs WERE the truth. I was sure I had all the backup proof. The problem was my proof was also based on beliefs.

No one is waving to me. Really??

Buying this house was a complete mistake. Really?

This small example is what often happens….

Our thoughts become beliefs, and then our beliefs become truths. And if those beliefs are negative, which they often are, we become victims of a book of fiction that we wrote.

So, what does this look like when you go after your 2021 resolutions?

Let’s take losing weight and getting fit. Probably the #1 New Year’s Resolution.

You start with a little thought…umm, I’ve never been able to lose the weight.

Then more thoughts spring out of this little thought….my metabolism is super slow, because even if I cut down, I can’t seem to lose the weight.

The pebbles start to grow into rocks…. I can’t cook things I like and lose weight. I’m under a lot of stress and the snacks keep me going. Maybe it’s not the right time.

Suddenly the boulder appears…. I can’t do this. I’ll never lose the weight. I’ll always be overweight; I’ll always eat junk. This is my lot in life. I’m an unattractive blob.

Did you see how each little thought began building upon each other and suddenly, we have one big, huge, negative belief about ourselves?

Then, what’s even worse, we walk around pretending the belief is a fact.

We’d probably stand up in a courtroom and defend that fact!

Yet, we alone created that big negative belief that we’re defending as a fact!

Now many in the self-help world speak of how negative beliefs come from our childhood. That is probably true. But regardless, the same process happens.

Someone very important to us, says something negative to us. We take that on as children, and start the negative thought factory, and we’re off and running towards creating a negative belief that we are sure is the truth.

I know, because I’ve also done this to myself. As I’ve shared with you, I’m a birthmother. I was horribly shamed by my family for getting pregnant and forced to give my son up for adoption. I was a teenager, but because their opinions were drilled into me at a very vulnerable time in my life, I began thinking thoughts that supported their opinions.

Pretty soon I had a belief about myself that was truly soul crushing. I spent decades looking for someone or something that would change that negative belief. I tried different relationships, different companies, different careers, different cities, different homes.

Nothing changed until I realized the belief I had internally carried around for years, simply wasn’t true.

In fact, it was complete fiction! Suddenly, the curtains opened, and I saw the real me. A woman who is kind, smart, resilient, and certainly worthy of love and whatever else I want in my life.

Now, when you think of your big, audacious goal for 2021, how strongly do you feel that you are capable of making it happen?

I ask you…

What are the beliefs you have about yourself that could keep you from achieving your 2021 goals?

When I’m coaching, this is usually when my clients get quiet. Going deep to uncover those negative beliefs you have about yourself, is uncomfortable. But ladies, the rewards are life changing. Truly.

So, pull back the curtains and expose those negative beliefs you have about yourself, for what they really are…. little thoughts that you turned into beliefs, and then made into the truth about yourself.

Some of you might be feeling some resistance over this idea and might even find yourself wanting to argue with me, standing firm that your negative beliefs ARE facts, so I want to introduce you to Byron Katie.

She developed a process of asking four questions about those beliefs, which she defines in her book, Loving What Is. By the way, I highly recommend the book.

Here are the questions Byron Katie wants you to ask yourself about each of your beliefs.

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

Try out these four questions on each of your beliefs.

Let’s say your goal in 2021, is to get control of your finances.

Most of us always answer the first question “Is it true?” with a resounding YES! I’ll never manage my money and live within my budget.

But when you get to question two, “Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” you’ll find that the negative belief you have about yourself will start to get a little shaky.

By question three, “How do you react when you believe that thought?

And question four, “Who would you be without the thought? the curtain will start to open, and you will see that your belief about yourself as someone who is incapable of managing your money, is actually a big book of fiction that YOU wrote!

Pretty amazing, right?

How do you feel now that you know all those negative beliefs that you have about yourself, are just a big fabrication, untruth, baloney, lies…you fill in the blank depending upon how colorful you want to be!

Let me ask you…. If negative beliefs are the reason why you didn’t achieve your previous goals….

Why not create positive beliefs!

Let’s use the same process…

Starting with the little thoughts

.…I have found a system to successfully stay on top of my money goals for one week, then two.

…. I am keeping track of my expenses and check in with my budget each week.

…. I have planned and put in all my anticipated expenses into my budget.

…. I am building a reserve for unexpected expenses.

Then add to those little thoughts until you have that empowering, positive belief

…. I successfully manage my money ALL the time.

Suddenly, you’ll have your big boulder of fabulous…. I am a money management guru!

Now, the 2021 goal to get control of your finances, is not only doable,

it’ll might be so well done that you’ll have another goal by the end of 2021,

which could be to become a money magnet so you can grow your wealth!

So, let yourself try this out.

Uncover those negative beliefs and bust them as the fabrications and total lies created from

Then, create your positive beliefs. Those thoughts that you want to grow into real and true beliefs in 2021 so you can achieve your BIG, AUDACIOUS goal for 2021.

Please share. Go over to our Facebook group or Instagram or even private message me, because I’d LOVE to hear your beliefs for 2021.

Let’s make those 2021 goal happen!

Ladies, thank you for listening and letting me share my own journey with you. I hope the experiences, ideas and tips that we talk about will help you to step into and Love The Real You.

Bonne Année and Bonjour 2021!!

Sparkler