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Because of the overwhelming response I received from my first podcast on the subject of the bra that changed my life, I thought it might make sense to do a part two.
And for those of you who didn’t listen to part one, I spoke of the life changing experience of going to Cadolle Lingerie in Paris and ordering a couture bra. You can go back and listen to that podcast, and today I’m going to address a few of the questions and responses I’ve gotten since that post went live.
Why do women especially, seem to love Paris so much?
I believe it is two-fold, some of which is almost mythological.
In my opinion, woman are especially drawn to France because we see the stereo-typical French woman as both elegantly feminine and alluring, and something inside us shouts, “I want that!”
This so beautifully relates to what it is we really want to add in our lives as we learn to embrace our true and real selves.
Like every French person, whenever I sit in my favorite Parisian café, I people watch. Over and over, I’ll notice the beautiful clean lines of the clothing that Parisian women wear. No matter the season, whether it is coats, skirts, jackets or dresses, there is cleanness to both the colors and the lines of the outfit. There is a simplicity to French clothing and design that just seems to beautifully work and yet, there is usually a subtle feminine touch added everywhere…. a bit of lace on a blouse, fabric covered buttons, or clothing that hugs the body. It is the French viewpoint that the clothing should never outshine the woman and that moderation is the foundation to much of French design.
Now you’ve probably also heard about the lack of closets in Paris. Actually, having lived in a brownstone in Boston, there are very few closets in any old house. I believe though this is what created the ubiquitous French scarf that you’ll see everywhere in anything French. I have actually worn scarves for decades long before my first visit to France. When I was in my 20’s, my grandmother passed away and with her little inheritance, I purchased my very first Hermès scarf in her favorite color of green. Every time I wear that scarf I think of my grandmother and it actually began a sort of scarf addiction. Accessories are what make each outfit different, and therefore a large walk-in closet isn’t what’s needed. Maybe it’s little things in your life that need to change. It’s all in the details, right?
And another thing. French women are serious about skin care and French pharmacies are where you buy many of the top selling brands. These pharmacies are quite unlike any drugstore in America. French women pride themselves on looking naturally beautiful, highlighting their best features. It takes time to look natural, especially was we age, but this is most likely why skin care is so very important to French women. Yes, good skincare does takes time but not hours and hours. What it does require though, is that we think of ourselves for a moment, look at our own beautiful faces in the mirror and examine our skin as we put on the new mask or cleanser or serum. (French women love serums by the way.)
As for makeup, the same applies. French women want it to look as natural as possible. And those nails? There are still very few nail salons in Paris compared to any large city in the United States, and even though nail salons were created in Paris in 1878, most French women do their own nails. I have to believe it is part of their practice of carving out time at home for self-care.
French women do wear beautiful lingerie all the time. American women in contrast, tend to prioritize comfort and durability in both our lingerie and clothing. Please don’t get me started on yoga pants.
But one of the questions is why my life changed when I purchased my very first couture bra?
Purchasing that bra changed the way I viewed myself and that in turn changed my life. The bra forever altered the way I felt about myself and that it was never too late to again learn to love myself. It wasn’t about anyone else seeing that bra. It was all about me.
Madame Cadolle, from Cadolle lingerie who I talked about in the first podcast on this topic, shared with me that when she and her daughter, Patricia bring the Cadolle Lingerie trunk show to NYC, what they hear over and over from women is that they want to feel feminine again. But does a bra or matching panties really matter? Yes….and I’ll explain.
All this talk about the outside, leads us to examine the feelings we have inside, as women.
We are women and therefore to connect with our REAL selves, we must embrace our femininity rather than hide it or only let it be seen on special occasions.
Given French women are portrayed as the ultimate of femininity, I think this contributes greatly to our Francophile obsession. Maybe it reflects our deep desire to be feminine again.
Yes, we can all agree, it is sometimes hard for women in countries like America, where it is often perceived that to succeed as a woman, you need to guard your femininity or even hide it. Yet, if we are to connect with our real selves, we must also connect with our femininity, however subtle we do that. And the French are about subtlety.
Here’s a very visual example of the cultural differences and views of being a professional It happened on quai François Mitterrand, just outside the Louvre. There was a group of three police officers, one a woman, standing in the middle of an intersection watching traffic. When a police van was driving down the road towards them, the female police officer in the intersection, stepped forward, put one hand on her hip, the other behind her head, and gave her fellow police officers a good old hip wiggle. All of them were laughing including her.
Now I was more than a little shocked. I couldn’t imagine seeing that action from a Boston policewoman. But I realized, this very professional woman enjoyed a womanly bit of humor rather than burying her femininity under her uniform.
It was a reminder to me that women want to feel feminine no matter if they are a stressed-out mom or a corporate woman struggling to find balance.
And ladies, if you are going to embrace the Real You, you have to welcome in your feminine side. This is exactly how my French bra changed my life.
Many of you have asked me what really made me schedule my appointment with Madame Cadolle.
I believe that somewhere, deep inside me, my intuitive self must have been begging for me to reconnect with my feminine side again.
As I shared in my first podcast on this topic, before walking out the door, I just turned, walked up to Madame Cadolle and said I’d like to book an appointment with you. Intuition was guiding me. Somehow, I intuitively knew that my new bra was going to remind me to love myself again and that doing so was a key ingredient to recapturing my own femininity.
So, let’s listen to our intuition ladies. I don’t know about you but if I had listened to my intuition more than my logical brain, my life would have been very different. It is our logical brains that say, “drive over that red flag, no worries, you can fix it! And the statement that I believe sends the worst message, “I’ve got this!” Really?
In contrast, our intuitive brain is the part of us that throws up the red flags of warning. Our intuitive brains are all about keeping us safe, and that includes positive connections and safe environments.
I’m making a huge generalization, but I believe our self-care resides in the intuitive part of our brains and that includes the brains in our stomachs. When you feel something is off or someplace or someone is dangerous, don’t you always feel it in your gut? Listen to it.
Our logical brain is more about strategic thinking and problem solving. It tells us how to get out of those unsafe situations.
The intuitive parts of us in contrast, are focused on self-care and therefore has many messages for us. It warns us to be careful so we avoid the messes that our logical brains will later have to fix. It also is the part of you that might be shouting for you to embrace your feminine side again. Mine certainly did.
So, let’s all promise ourselves that we will no longer let our logical brains completely guide us but instead make the time to get quiet enough to listen to the intuitive messages we receive every single day.
I also believe femininity is connected to visibility.
As I said on an Instagram live, I did last week with Michele La Mietre, who by the way is a beautiful photographer and artist, and a fellow Francophile, “In Paris women of ALL ages are visibly feminine, and they are all seen.”
On one of my visits to Madame Cadolle, she shared with me that an 80+ year old couple had just left. I’m sure my face looked shocked. She said that in France, choosing the woman’s lingerie is often a joint activity. The woman chooses and the man admires. Oh my, how fabulous is that at 80 years old?
So, if femininity is connected to visibility, what does that mean?
As you all know, I had a long, difficult marriage and by the end of it, I would no longer have described myself as either visible or feminine. I would have said I was a great cook, the family hostess, the Christmas shopper, the decorator, the arranger of gatherings for children, stepchildren, grandparents, and my husband’s primary business advisor.
But did I think or feel like a visible and feminine woman? Absolutely not and neither did anyone around me. I had slowly blocked out my femininity and along with it, my visibility.
I told myself over and over that I was valued only for what I DID for others, not for the woman I was. That was the message I gave out to the people around me because that is what I had convinced myself was true. Therefore, I received what I believed.
As I learned, the real you is underneath all those roles you play, the different hats you wear. The real you IS feminine and desperately wants to be visible for who you really are. The true you.
So, if the idea of re-connecting to your femininity speaks to you, don’t ignore it.
Go out and purchase a new bra. Buy the laciest, prettiest bra you can find. One that makes you feel special and even splurge for the matching panties.
Then, do a little test.
One morning, put on that special bra and panties. Check in with yourself throughout the day.
Do you feel more feminine? Does it make you smile as you feel the lace rub against your skin? Are you walking differently? Moving differently? These are all part of how you are seen.
Then on another day, put on that sports bra or comfort focused bra and panties and now pay attention to how you feel on this day. What differences do you notice?
I’ll make a guess that you’ll suddenly want to wear your pretty bra every day going forward.
In summary…
To embrace the Real You, you begin by paying attention to your external presentation. Set aside time to care for your skin and then move to your clothing, especially your lingerie.
What you put on your body does affect how you feel about yourself and don’t forget that what you believe about yourself, is what you’ll receive.
Then, get quiet enough to hear your intuitive self. Ask her how feminine and visible she feels. Is there something she wants you to do?
You’ll then not just be a doer for others.
Instead, you’ll start to carve out the space and time for you, which is key to being feminine and visible.
And last…. purchase the pretty bra and notice how it makes you feel.
If you’re in my FB group, share because we’d all love to hear what you notice is different.
If you aren’t in my FB group, join and then share.
I’d also love to see your name on my subscriber list, so please go to SharriHarmel.com and sign up.
I have several new and exciting programs coming early in 2021.
A toast to you Ladies! The Real You!
Until next time…. À bientôt
https://open.spotify.com/show/7AEdlBDkkY2RoP27tfhqWb
