Podcast Episode 6: Isn't It Time You Take Off Your Invisible Mask?

Listen to the Episode:

French Masks They are all the rage right now because of crazy COVID. I’ve hardly worn lipstick since March, something I usually love to wear. And I don’t know about you, but I feel I now have to find masks that go with my outfits…I can’t wear that 60’s mod mask fabric with my chic French scarf…. I live in a very cold climate, so how is this going to work in the winter?

Recently for a board I am on, we had a group photo taken. Just this morning, I looked at that photo and honestly if I didn’t know the people, I’d have a difficult time identifying who was who. Our masks became the dominant focus of the photo!

These masks are all very obvious and visible to everyone around us. We know there is beautiful face under that mask a friend of ours is wearing. And yet, like the photo, masks take over the face of everyone. The individuality of each person, the beauty of each person is taken over by the masks!

So, this got me thinking…. what about the invisible masks lots of us wear each and every day?

The people pleaser, the always positive persona, the woman who pretends she’s strong and always says “I’ve got this”, the soccer mom who never wanted to be that woman with a minivan or SUV, the corporate leader who yearns to connect with her femininity, the perfect wife who is lonely?

You have responsibilities each and every day, and whether or not it suits you, you put on that mask because if you don’t, you’re worried that you’ll feel you won’t fit in or that you won’t be successful or that you’ll be judged. Eventually though, our invisible masks become heavy, confining, and difficult to breathe through- just like the ones we are wearing every day due to COVID.

As André Berthiaume said, “We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.”

As negative as that quote sounds, let’s look at Andre’s statement through new eyes.

Maybe we all have the opportunity to take off our masks, be our true selves, with the understanding that taking off a mask that we’ve worn for some time, isn’t going to be easy.

I can speak from experience because I’ve lived most of my adult life wearing various masks. It’s shocking to me that I didn’t suffocate!

I had a 23-year marriage that was incredibly sad and lonely, but I put on that happy corporate wife and wonderful partner mask every single day when I left the house and sometimes in the house. I knew I was playing a role, but I couldn’t find my way out until all hope to be loved, was finally destroyed. Then and only then, was I willing to take off that mask and ladies it was super painful.

Going through a 2 ½ year divorce in itself was difficult, but suddenly, I was alone with me, because all the people who had been a part of my life for 20+ years disappeared.

That is one huge consequence when you decide to start to discard your masks.

Whether we know it or not, when you wear a mask, you are surrounded by people who are wearing the same masks! And when you take yours off – they freak out!

By taking off your mask, you will have made them feel insecure about the masks they wear and to avoid that discomfort, they will walk away from you.

Know this ladies, if it is your time to shed a mask you have been wearing, prepare yourself for a change in the people around you. Understand though, that their reactions really have nothing to do with you – it is about their own insecurities and unwillingness to be true and authentic.

I have found that people who are brave enough to be their real selves are really and truly scary and uncomfortable for those who aren’t brave and stick to their personas.

But what is the cost of wearing a mask or many masks? It’s draining. Just like trying to wear a COVID mask when you are exercising feels claustrophobic and suffocating, wearing an invisible mask is also claustrophobic and suffocating. Keeping that mask on, playing the role the mask portrays is exhausting and draining.

So, isn’t it time ladies, to shed our invisible masks and find out who we really are underneath our masks?

What is she all about? What does she value in her life? What does she love to do and why? What does she want to create in her life?

All good questions that I often start with in my coaching work.

So, what about you?

Who are you without that corporate job?

Who are you if you want to go back to work and not be a stay at home mom?

Who are you after you are no longer part of a couple?

Maybe you don’t know yet…. if that is true for you, maybe YOUR next question is WHO do you want to be?

Masks require we conform to some sort of identity with rules.

I want you to think about who you want to be without rules, without roles, without external pressures.

I’ll give you an example.

When I threw off my corporate wife mask, I first jumped into career coaching in higher education. Frankly, I was shedding one mask for another that was actually quite similar. That often happens ladies.

Once I realized,” um…. this mask sort of feels like the one I just get rid of, I quit my job.

After that, I pushed myself to try out all sorts of experiences to find out who I really was and what I really wanted.

Many of the experiences made me a bit afraid and nervous, but somehow, I knew if I wasn’t stretched, it was probably because I was settling into some version of an old mask.

I always loved to travel, so I traveled alone to NYC, London, Paris, Amsterdam. Honestly, I was afraid a lot of the time, but I learned ways to feel safe and do the things I loved to do. Eventually, my fears dissipated. I still travel alone, but I no longer feel stressed or even embarrassed that I’m a woman alone. I’m just me. A single gal who loves to travel.

I often celebrate holidays alone. But after the first couple of holidays passed with me sitting in my apartment watching the hallmark channel, I gave myself a push. Now I dress up, and after checking up with family and good friends around the world, I have reservations made at a lovely restaurant. Remember, every waiter, cook and greeter at a restaurant working on that holiday, is also wanting to connect. So, my holiday dinners seem to be more of a temporary family experience than just a lone woman in a restaurant.

I also took writing classes at Grubb Street in Boston and even signed up for a “meet with an editor” at a writing conference. I wanted to run and hide before going into that meeting, but I learned so much by facing my fears and exploring whether writing a book was something I really wanted to do.

But what was best of all, is that I found new friends who were also on the journey of self-acceptance and appreciation.

I began to attract experiences and people into my life that were real, that were authentic to the woman I am today.

Discover your true self and suddenly, I promise you, the woman looking back at you from your mirror, looks more peaceful, younger, and more excited about the day in front of her. Beauty does come from the inside out and maybe the key is to find yourself. The real you.

I’m excited to share with you that sometime after the first of the year, I’ll be rolling out a new course titled Mindset to Joie de Vivre. I’ve been working on it for a while now, trying to make it the most transformational for those that join me.

In the Mindset to Joie de Vivre course, you’ll get personal with yourself.

In this course, you’ll discover your mindset type superpower, and how to use it to shift your mindset around your money, your self-image, your confidence, and your lifestyle.

You’ll learn different tools to help you to always use your own mindset superpower to create and live your own joie de vivre.

If you’d like to be added to the Mindset to Joie de Vivre waitlist, just let me know.

In the meantime, if you enjoyed this podcast please leave a review and join my podcast list so you receive notice when a new one has arrived.

Plus, I have a FB group called Life Reimagined. The group is filled with fabulous women just like you. We are women of truth. No masks, no pretending, no should be’s. We are honest and real, and, in the group, we share what we are trying to accomplish and the challenges along the way because it’s not easy to be a woman of truth, especially today.

Take good care everyone,

And by for now….

A bientôt.