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Today’s podcast is about making comparisons.
I’ve learned that our brains seem to be wired to make constant comparisons…. all sorts of comparisons.
In fact, the advertising industry is based on making comparisons.
Is Coca Cola better than Pepsi? Is Starbucks coffee better than Dunkin’s? The most googled phrases are…. what is the best or what are the top…?
We love comparisons! But we’re not products and yet we automatically compare ourselves to others.
So why do we do it? Is it one of our natural human behaviors that somehow helped us to survive way back when?
I don’t know. But it’s irritating and I’m going to make my #1 Mindset Goal for the rest of 2020, to stop myself when my thoughts go to comparing myself to others.
There are the obvious and small ways we compare ourselves just in our statements and in our everyday conversations.
She looks good, I wonder if she’s had any work done?
Their kid seems to breeze through school, whereas my child struggles. What’s wrong?
She recovered so well from her divorce or some other heartbreak, so what’s wrong with me??
They are so fit and talk about it all the time, but I’m not coordinated, or have the time to exercise or (even better) …. I’m just built this way.
In every single example I just gave, we not only decided we fell short in our comparison to that other person, but we decided we should resign ourselves to accept that we just didn’t measure up.
Remember that silly movie “I don’t know how she does it?” I think Sarah Jessica Parker was the lead, and she played a high-powered businesswoman, who was also a wife and a mother.
To other women looking in, it appeared like she had it all together. She was super woman…. but the reality was that none of it was working and she was running on fumes.
So, what looked like a fabulous, amazing, fulfilling life on the outside, was chaos on the inside.
That movie clearly shows how our comparisons are usually based on some degree of fantasy.
Yet, we continue to make comparisons.
This week showed me, how easy it is to fall into making comparisons ESPECIALLY if we’re feeling a bit insecure.
I was in a 3-day zoom (of course) workshop on Quiz Funnels.
Here’s how my mindset went during the three-day period.
The workshop leader Ryan Levesque would be describing some aspect of the technology of the quiz funnel. Immediately I was absolutely sure everyone but me understood the technology.
And then a question would pop up in the chat box that told me there might actually be someone knew less about this technology than I did.
Then on Day three, it was time to create images to put into our quizzes. Let me say straight up, Canva mystifies me. I don’t understand the terminology of computer design much beyond the words “crop and resize.”
We had a 20-minute working session, when at the conclusion, one woman announced she had all her images complete and they were ready to be put into her quiz. Everyone was cheering!
In comparison, I decided I had flunked. I was still trying to get one of my images into Canva,
and then the one I HAD successfully uploaded, was stuck in resizing and saving.
I felt like a complete failure.
Later though, this woman’s images were shown to the group and I saw that none of them were perfect or even close to it. It worked for HER quiz but what’s important to notice is how my mind had been convinced she created perfect images and even worse, I had concluded I was incompetent.
My comparisons were so crazy that part way through the workshop I was ready to abandon my coaching business and start one that was product related. I’d hear other participants talk about using their quizzes to sell a specific product- water bottles, sleep aids, education or toys….and suddenly I was SO sure that if I had done what everyone else did, I’d already be a great success.
One comparison after another and I haven’t even left the house!
The problem with comparisons ladies, is not the comparison itself.
It’s what conclusions our thoughts create immediately after the comparison is made.
This is how it worked for me this week.
I’m lacking in technology skills, so I’ll never get this quiz built.
Because I don’t have a product or a broader coaching niche, I’ll never build my coaching business.
Everyone is much smarter and more talented than me. I don’t have the IT needed so why bother?
Now…. like I said, I haven’t even left my house and yet I made hundreds of tiny comparisons that led me to a make a HUGELY inaccurate conclusion.
My comparisons were like the big red bus that drove over and smashed all the possibilities.
Well, this lady has more grit then sense, so I regrouped, changed my perspective and decided….
I could hire someone to help me with the technology.
I am passionate about my coaching niche and feel it is my destiny to help other women who are struggling with what I had to work through.
I may not be the smartest of all, but I’m smart enough.
So, we think those tiny comparisons we make all day long are nothing and yet when added together, our mind naturally wants to create a HUGE and most often negative conclusion.
Ladies, when are you doing the exact same thing?
Where are you letting yourself make comparisons where you continually fall short?
Your homework this week, is to notice how many times in every day, you make some sort of comparison about how you measure up in the world.
If you’re at all like me, you’ll be shocked.
But….You might be thinking, okay I get it. Comparisons aren’t good for us.
But what’s at the root of comparisons?
Knowing ourselves. Really knowing ourselves and loving our uniqueness.
There is not one other person on the planet who is like you.
No one has your body, your face, your hair, your brain, your heart or your soul.
Therefore, there isn’t ANYONE who compares to you.
So, what is it that makes YOU special?
If you can’t come up with an immediate answer, you have some fun homework to do.
Ask a few close friends and family to give you a word or two that describes YOU.
Have a sheet of paper ready and start writing them down.
Another suggestion is to List out all your accomplishments (no judgment) and ask yourself what quality did you have to tap into to get that done?
Add all those words onto the piece of paper that describes the unique YOU!
I promise you; you are going to be amazed!!!
I did this years ago in a group work class in my master’s program. After all my moves and life changes, I still have the little sticker in my desk drawer, and it makes me smile every time I look at it.
If you want – Take of photo of it so that whenever you catch yourself making comparisons,
You can Pull it up on your phone to remind yourself of what makes YOU uniquely YOU!
And then….
Write YOUR book.
Be proud of the body you have by dressing in ways that makes YOU feel happy and confident.
Start the business YOU want to bring to the world.
Draw the painting YOUR soul wants to create.
Decorate your home in a way that suits YOU and YOUR lifestyle.
Again, there is no one on this planet that is anything like YOU!
It’s time to celebrate our uniqueness rather than trying to change ourselves based on comparisons.
Let’s stand up and share! Be visible!
Post YOUR words in my FB group, Sharri harmel.lifereimagined or if you are feeling brave, put up a little video of you sharing the words that describes YOU!
How fun would that be?
As always, if you liked this podcast, please share via a review. I so appreciate reviews as they help me to grow this podcast.
Take good care and I look forward to our next time.
À bientôt.
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